Over at Kathy's Place

Christmas Time!

2011-12-20T13:56:00.004-05:00

I am really enjoying this Christmas season! I hope you are too. In other years, the holidays have worn me down to the point that it was hard to even feel the joy and peace. It was hard to be worshipful. It was hard to move through my days, even! I was exhausted!

I am not a person who can bake a variety of cookies, and pies, think of beautiful, inexpensive gifts for everyone I know, shop without dropping, send dozens of cards (on time), keep my home company-ready at all times, and plan a wonderful Christmas dinner. Frankly, I don't believe anyone does all that.

How many times over the years have I heard the question, "Do you have your Christmas shopping done yet?" And felt little nag of guilt or inferiority because no, I didn't have it done? In fact I wasn't sure when it was ever going to be done because there always seemed to be one more thing that I needed... or else I would find one more thing that would make the holiday even better, it seemed. And by the way - does shopping for Christmas dinner groceries count as Christmas shopping? What are the rules for this question, anyway?

Here's the thing. That whole concept of getting your shopping done? It's a fantasy! It never happens! In our society, with constant advertising, you will always think of one more thing to buy. Or six. If you were to actually get gifts for everyone, then there are always more people who you can shop for, more decorations to buy, more food, and on it goes.

No one can do everything. We have to make choices. One year I might make a nice dinner, and another year, I might send out a family newsletter. I don't hand make gifts. I buy them. I don't send out cards every year, only when I have the time and energy. Yesterday I addressed about 6 cards. Just 6. Not 50, or 60, or 100. Just six. They might get into the mailbox today. Maybe. We'll see. I just cannot allow the demands of the season to stress away the joy of it. I hope I love on people the rest of the year. If they don't get a card I hope they know I still care, I just can not cover everything that I would like to. This year it mattered to me to bake cookies, which I never do... It's been so much fun!!

I spent an afternoon baking with my daughter. We had good times. Then later, I decorated a few at a time. And we shared them. That was fun. It gave me a chance to get creative. So far, the holidays have been so much fun this year! And yes I am tired and some things are not gettiing done... but I am having a good time and not forgetting what the season is really about:

Worship. Family. Love. Joy. and Peace. (Remember peace?)

I wish you all of these things today. And the restful moments in which to savor them.

Pearl Harbor Day

2011-12-07T10:09:00.003-05:00

Today we are remembering Pearl Harbor, the lives lost, the loved ones who grieved, and the sense of patriotism that attack engendered. The way people felt when Pearl Harbor was attacked must be a lot like I felt when the World Trade Centers came down. Shock, horror, fear, anger, confusion.

I have been thinking about the 1940s a lot lately. I wasn't there, but it seems like those times played a big role in who we have become today. The grief over men lost, the sense of loyalty to a cause, the big band sounds that kept up morale while women stayed home and worried for their men. All that fantastic music and the great dancing were a part of an overall picture that included war!

My parents would have been young adults then. Those times shaped them, and consequently, shaped us. I love to hear the stories and see the pictures from their lives then. I can't imagine the way life must have felt during that war. I wish I could go visit those times, and then come back here. I guess that's why I love old movies and stories from then.

The more I think about it, the more I'm convince that then or now, people are people. We have always had certain things in common. We shop to find the best price on groceries. We worry about bills. Young ones look for fun, find dates, and fall in love. We complain about the weather and politics. People start families and settle in to life. We want the best for our kids. We help them with schoolwork. So many things do not change. Our daily lives contain most of the same tasks, same concerns as ever. There are good neighbors and bad ones everywhere in every time. Friendship always nourishes. Bad things happen and our choices remain pretty much the same in how to respond.

I think maybe we can identify with the generations before us a lot better than we think we can, if we just stop and think about it. Maybe there is less difference than we imagined.

If you have a chance, find someone who lived through the forties and listen to them. Swap stories. Learn what is common to us all, and how individual differences play into the overall picture of life and history. Listen to the stories of their daily life, and write them down if you can... when these people are gone, we won't be able to hear first hand accounts any more. That will be a great loss. We need to savor it while we can. Their history is our history.

just thankful

2011-11-16T23:01:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful for...

537. roads without curbs, grass growing right up to the pavement

538. horses gathered in a little paddock, having contented horse conversations

539. kids who love me

540. a brand new grand! tiny and pink.

541. Wednesday night suppers at church!

542. getting to know new friends

543. likemindedness

544. newborns

545. the awesome strength of women in labor

November day

2011-11-09T11:29:00.004-05:00

November is like this sometimes.

Cold, gray, and wet. The leaves are stuck to the ground in the rain, looking discouraged, as if they're too tired to run around, have no energy to fly with the wind.

Maybe it's a good thing that Thanksgiving comes in November. We need it about now. We need to find gratefulness on these days of darkness and soggy, tired leaves. Or we'll turn dark and cold ourselves.

On this day of dark and wet and cold, I am especially thankful for soft slipper-socks hot out of the the dryer, a very tall mug of hot rooibos tea, a big red sweater, and candles. Thankful for work to do in order to get warm and keep my mind off the sad-looking day, and friends that I will see tonight.

It's a great day for coziness and a slower pace.

(joys and thank yous #531 - 536)

Tortilla soup non-recipe

2011-11-03T19:10:00.002-04:00

Suddenly I had to come up with a supper plan and I hadn't bought anything for tonight.

I improvised.

Tonight's supper, made from leftovers, went like this...

Tortilla soup:

Hey, I'll use up this cooked chicken and this homemade tomato soup from the other night. Add a small can of black olives that I happened to have, and 1 can of black beans, chop an onion into it, good spoonful of garlic, plenty of fresh cilantro which I happen to have on hand (just bought it -- I thought I was going to try drying it!)... warm and taste...add cumin, little jalapen-yo, black pepper, barest touch of cayenne and a shake or two of hot sauce. This is getting mighty yumful!

Let set to blend flavors and ole!

I will now serve it with cheese and sour cream which I happen to have on hand, and the family will be warmed and filled. I love when a plan comes together, even at the last minute!

So glad I was able to use up some leftovers and that I happened to have on hand so many of just the right things to fill in! Clearly I must be getting some heavenly help on the cooking tonight! (thanks Father!)

perfect fall morning

2011-10-24T09:11:00.005-04:00

What a gorgeous morning! The sun glows in the mist as the dew rises, and the trees, colors deepened by the day's early shadows, look more lush than thy ought to be for this time of year.

The thing to do on a morning like this is stand in the open doorway with a cup of hot coffee, breathe it all in, and just be thankful.

Perfect!

~~joys and thank yous~~

528. sun shining on dew-mist, making it glow
529. October's leaves dressed in autumn's colors
530. moments for standing half in, half out, relishing the warmth and the cool,
the beauty and the comfort.

Sunday dinner

2011-10-16T13:58:00.005-04:00

~

Hot, steaming gravy runs all over the mound of potatoes, over and around the tender chicken... And I'm thinking this is just the thing on this damp, cold day that scowls sharp with ragged clouds and can't decide whether to actually rain or just make threats.

Crock pots are a gift to cold people with not enough energy to make a meal after sitting in a chilly classroom half the morning. The hot food warms me from inside and feels like comfort. It's the perfect meal for before a nap. And a nap is just the thing for a cold Sunday afternoon.

( so today, right this minute, I am thankful for...)

521. crock pots making meals while I'm away
522. easy gravy = mushroom soup poured over the meat and thickened as needed later
523. Hot food when I'm cold, warming me up from the inside
524. Restful Sundays
525. worship time
526. family time
527. nap time

~

joys and thank yous

2011-10-12T09:08:00.001-04:00

I haven't blogged much these last few months. real life required my attention, and there wasn't enough of me left over to write about it.

But now that I am here, I want to pick up on my list of joys and thank yous, my gratitude list, right where I left off.

504. freebies for my birthday, or any time

505. skype!

506. adorable grandgirls who light up when they see me, making me feel like a celebrity

507. being loved with an everlasting love, unconditionally, constantly, and lavishly

508. laughing with my kids

509. having kids who show respect and consideration for others

510. dancing to oldies - daughter's favorite choice in music

511. pedicure with custom painted designs on my toes!

512. turquoise

513. grape juice

514. frappuccinos, rarely, but yum.

515. jasmine green tea and dark chocolate

516. taking pride in the accomplishment of a grown daughter as she graduates

517. getting to know my kids' strengths and talents as they develop

518. new recipes that turn out well

519. metro cruise, and being there with my kids

520. Vitamin D supplements - they really make the shorter, darker days so much easier

embracing this wildness

2011-10-10T09:13:00.013-04:00

Today, Daughter has a broken tooth that must be remedied immediately. She's in considerable pain. She has hardly eaten or drunk anything in 36 hours (except for a smoothie last night), has a headache, and is very hungry and thirsty. On top of this, she woke up this morning with allergies bothering her and giving her a sore throat! She must feel terrible! This is the girl with a huge national registry exam later this week and who is also moving 2000 miles away in two and a half weeks... so there is a lot going on for her. We need to get this tooth taken care of so she can do the next thing.

Life piles up sometimes... and I guess hers is.

We will get her to the dentist and it will be better. We will figure out a way to pay for it even though there is no insurance. She will do great on her exam even though she will worry herself to a frenzy, and she will get moved on time.

A friend posted today that we need the wild places, the untamed places, the unsolved mysteries. Even in the middle of Our Town, right downtown, there are places yet not cultivated, places where the trees and weeds grow and the poison ivy creeps bright red up the trunks. There is beauty in the untamed, the unexplored, the unknown.

Life is like that too. As much as I wish to get it all figured out, tame my schedule, and understand everything...weeds and tangles appear. Teeth break and pain shoots right through the place in life where I thought it was all cultivated and smooth. Schedules change and unknowns pop up. Maybe that's ok. Maybe it's ok to do what you can and then let the rest be. Maybe the unknowns and unexpecteds of life are the wild places that we need more than we know. Maybe I need to do what I can to make things right, and then just embrace the rest in all its messy glory. Maybe I need to be more thankful for the uncultivated places in life, the unknown and unplanned, the unsolved mysteries, the "don't knows".

(ps - if you want to read my friend's post about the value of he wild places, go here:
http://studiobeerhorst.squarespace.com/journal/2011/10/10/into-the-wild.html?lastPage=true#comment15279492)

2011-09-10T09:58:00.001-04:00

Biggby ... breakfast in the car...sunny day, daughter with me... Great start to the day!

Retro Metro Cruise

2011-08-27T10:16:00.006-04:00

Fun stuff!

Classic cars, cruising through the streets of town.

Showing their stuff in store parking lots.

(Isn't this gorgeous?! )

Oldies blasting, kids dancing.

Free food, and a fake Elvis.

Thanks to the generosity of one local business, we enjoyed free burgers,
hot dogs, chips, and root beer floats for supper!

A contest for the most authentic 50s style girls.

And Family.

(They are all watching the little ones.)

What a fun night!

working at sunshine

2011-08-20T12:07:00.007-04:00

today did not start out very fun.

so i am working at it.

working at bringing some sparkle to the day, which would otherwise be hard and dry.

like a stale biscuit.

without jam.

step one -
starbucks. something very large, decadent and sweet, with a coupon to make it free. free always makes it even better. settled on a venti, haf caf, soy, java chip mocha frappuccino with a shot of peppermint, afagato. with whipped cream and syrup. i think i pretty much maxed out my freebie coupon with that concoction. it was the perfect thing for this particular morning.

step two -
focus on Truth, like, "there is therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus..." And "I will never leave you or forsake you." To know that I am loved unconditionally sure drives away discouragement of any kind!! Truth wins, every time, hands down! No matter the circumstances, I can wallow in His love! It's secure and it's always available.

step three -
spend some quality phone time with offspring far away. I love my kids so much! I miss this one and his family so much it hurts! But a chat on the phone makes them feel closer.

step four -
crank up the oldies and dance in the kitchen. made the daughter smile (because she's too polite to full out laugh). tunes from the 60s can really cheer up a day, plus dancing gets the blood flowing and is pure good fun!

so... it's coming along. this day is getting better. we'll see how it ends up. big storms are coming through. maybe they'll cleanse the air.

I hope your day is a good one! if not, tell me what you plan to do about it, please. I can always use more ideas.

this moment

2011-08-12T12:18:00.003-04:00

cicadas and the sound of a mourning dove...

iced tea and a book out on the porch...

this is what summer afternoons are made of.

(joys and thank yous #502 and #503)

(I'm going. Right now. I can't bear to miss this moment.)

What a great day!

2011-08-09T23:31:00.003-04:00

The sky closed the day in a bright orangepink with royal blue around the edges. Fitting beauty for such a day as this.

It was a day filled with unusual joys. I savoured a slow, four hour breakfast out with a friend this morning, where we discussed ideas and ideologies and ate healthy, delicious food. It is a rare thing to enjoy an intellectual conversation with someone. It's rare for anyone to have four hours to spend on a meal and conversation. It was a real treat to mind, body and soul. Jen and I have radically different views on a lot of things, yet we can always discuss ideas without the conversation getting tense or heated. What a rare blessing! I'm glad to have friends like that. I disagree with her, but I respect her.

In the afternoon, another friend and I went and got pedicures. Tremendously fun! This is a friend with whom I can be totally honest and know she will hear me without judgement. She has a great sense of humor and we can laugh about things that would not be funny in other conversations. I think she is un-offendable. She knows sides of me noone else does -- things I myself did not even know were there before I spent time with her. She is another rare blessing in my life, a friend I trust with my truest, most real self. I know I grow as a person when I am hanging out with her.

Tonight, I went to a movie with my two kids. The ones who still live at home. We had a great time, and even got those fat juicy movie hot dogs for supper! We laughed together at the movie and enjoyed the time together. We have been extra busy the last couple weeks, each doing good, fun things, but not together. It was good to spend some fun time together tonight.

So the whole day has been one pleasure after another, with people who add significantly to my life. I am blessed.

And then a beautiful sunset.

Pretty nice!

I have a lot to be thankful for tonight.

This is perfect, for my birthday month!

(ps - I also got to dance with an adorable two year old today. Princess in pink, simply the sweetest thing! We danced in her living room, she with twirls and fluff, me just doing what I do. Such great fun!! I will add that delightful moment to my list of birthday celebrations so far this month!)

Busy days, Full Week

2011-07-30T07:31:00.004-04:00

Sometimes the day gets turned up on its head.
You kind of wish you could have stayed in bed.
But you know you've got to do it,
And somehow you do get through it
Though by the end of day you feel half dead.
(klm)

This week has been very busy, and I haven't gotten to see my kids as much as I would have liked. They were busy. I was busy. We weren't home much. And the days got turned upside down one after another. Every day turned out to be good - as it was supposed to be... but I am ready for a day of normal.

Today is not, however, going to be that day! I will be out of town half the day - the middle half. It will be a good day. It is a good class and I want to be there. It will be good for me. But I do miss my kids and I hope I get to slow down and hang out with them later today. Life is good. We all need down time. But however this day turns out, I expect to live it fully and enjoy the moments. I just really want some of those moments to be with the kids I didn't get to see much this week. We'll see! :-)

One good day

2011-07-02T22:33:00.005-04:00

I am incredibly blessed to be surrounded by good people who bless my days with care and their very presence.

Today a friend gave me henna art, and some jasmine tea to take home. Another friend gave me a new flower to put in my hair -- huge and white with a jewel in the middle of it. I wore it the rest of the day, and got a compliment on it. A third friend and I went out for some delicious ice cream cones at a place I'd never been before (on this 90 degree day) and had a great time catching up! We walked on a street where I usually only drive, and I saw so many fascinating details of construction in the buildings that I would normally never see from a car.

So much goodness in one day!

Then tonight we had chicken on the grill with fresh, sweet corn on the cob and strawberry shortcake, thanks to an earlier visit to the Farmer's market. And now, after dark, I get to hear the sounds of fireworks heralding the beginning of this holiday weekend. Fun stuff!

Really fun stuff... pretty much all day long!

Around my place

2011-05-20T23:06:00.003-04:00

Lilacs, mayapples, and apple blossoms, oh, my! All the world is green again - so many different shades of green. The air is moist and alive again. Birdsong and sweet scents waft on the breezes. This is the best time of the year.

better than roses

2011-05-10T15:19:00.003-04:00

At church we were given roses on Mother's Day. It's a really nice tradition. I love that they value the work that mothers do. Most of the world does not really validate moms in their work. Maybe that's because most of the world is too busy... being moms?

Being a mom is invisible work. It is hard, rich work, and there is nothing else that can possibly give the satisfaction, nor the exhaustion and feeling of not being important.
Noone sees it. Noone seems to acknowledge it.

It can be hard, when you are exhausted (and the mothers of small children are exhausted), when noone gives you much positive feedback, to feel like you are making a difference in the world.

We have to - we have no other choice but to - go back to the reality of God's own word and good common sense to realize that without moms, the world would cease to be. We are doing God's work alongside Him. How awesome is that?! Our families depend on us for their very survival when they are small, before they grow into the skills they need to ensure their own survival.

(The skills we teach them.)

We love and nurture them in our hearts and in our arms, only to discover that they way we nurture our children defines how they relate to the rest of the world for the rest of their lives.
The way we care for our children affects their lives, and through that, the lives of the people they touch for years... our influence lasts long after we are gone.

It is no small truth that the hand that rocks the cradle really does rule the world. As moms, we rule!

But a huge part of our task is humility, being willing to set the needs of others before our own when needed. Not mothering for our own satisfaction, but out of love - unconditional love - for the children God has put in our arms.

I felt a little silly carrying around a rose yesterday. It was a nice thought. But the faces of the people I love the most are the best gift ever. When they smile, when they grow up into awesome people - people who love God above all else - people I love having as friends, that is the greatest joy ever!

Prov. 31 says, "they will rise up and call her blessed". It is a long term prospect, this rising up business. It takes years. But if we are faithful in the long haul - not perfect, not getting it all right, but over all faithful, trying to honor Him in our lives - then there will come a day when those little cherub cheeked babies rise up into big people, and they bring you stuff way better than roses. They shine.

white morning

2011-04-18T08:08:00.005-04:00

My one little daffodil is hanging its head. It looks weary. I think it's discouraged. It tried to bring in spring. It looked so bright and cheery last week, standing all alone alongside the wall. So sunny. Making it clear that spring is here for real. But now...

It's snowing.
No, I'm serious. It's snowing. For real.

It's beautiful, I have to give it that. Any time pure white snowflakes drift down from the sky there is a beauty that is undeniable.

But, come on!

It's April 18th. The timing is way off!

Past the middle of April, and flakes have been falling thick and steady since before I got up a couple hours ago. There is a thick layer of snow on everything. Thick, like over an inch deep. Everywhere.

I have seen snow in the first week of April. But I have never seen it this late in the springtime.

I think Spring needs a redo.

Oh, we are so ready for some warmth! The trees have budded and are waiting to leaf out. The grass has been turning ever so gradually greener day by day.

It's time.

When Husband went downstairs this morning and saw outside, he burst out laughing and said, "Are you kidding me!!?"

Yes, I think we all feel that way.

Trying for Spring

2011-03-09T08:53:00.003-05:00

Spring comes in fits and starts. It's raining outside right now. I can hear the water running down the eavestroughs along the edges of the roof as I sit in here my warm, dry study. The calendar says there are 12 days to spring's arrival, but this is a spring rain already! It's washing away snow that has been piled all over the countryside. It rushes through the gutters and gurgles down the drainpipes and that sounds like spring to me.

The sap is running, too. It's been a little cool so we haven't tapped the trees yet, but the sap is running. I heard you can hear it running in the trees with a stethoscope. If I had one, I would try it. But whether I hear it or not, the sap is running.

These are the things nature does when spring is coming, and I feel the change in the air. We've turned a corner, and winter is waning. Birds are singing in the mornings. A little house finch was shopping for a new home outside my window the other day. He's thinking about taking up residence in a nice little mud nest from last year. I'm waiting to see what he decides.

It will snow again. I know it will. Spring comes in fits and starts. It will snow and get cold and act out all that... but it won't stay. At this point, the snows will come less often and melt sooner than they did before. The temperatures will fluctuate. Cold will be less severe and will be interspersed with slightly warmer days, and little by little, spring will edge its way into our lives.

I will be glad. In fact, a lot of people will be glad. Winter has its beauty, but we are ready to be done with it. We are looking forward to warmer days, the greening of the earth, birdsong, and warm breezes. Gardening friends are anxious to get their hands into the soft, fragrant soil to plant food for their families. We are all so ready!

I love spring! I plan to savor every moment and every false start that brings us closer to the real thing.

What do you look forward to at this time of year?

the next great adventure

2011-02-28T09:04:00.003-05:00

Psalm 144:1, 2

"Praise be to the Lord for my rock, who trains my hands for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield in whom I take refuge, who subdues people under me."

Life turns and I wonder what's next. I'm studying new things and meeting new people, taking on new projects. The responsibilities I have owned for years are still with me, and I don't want to neglect them, but something new is coming.

I look at these verses in Psalm 144 and wonder what battles I have ahead, what changes will I help to make in the world? How can I be helpful? How will God use my strengths? How can I help change the world?

He is training my hands even now for something important. I sense it. It's exciting.

I am grown-up enough to know that taking on new things will not always be exciting, though, or fun or easy. There will be days of discouragement as well as days of exhilarating victory. But He is my shield in whom I take refuge. On those unhappy days, you will find me taking refuge in Him, the one who loves me unconditionally, even when I mess up in stupid, messy ways. I will be going to Him for comfort because He is the God of all comfort, and for instruction, so I can clean up the mess and do better next time.

A song says, "Sometimes I feel like I can do anything. Other times I feel like I have nothing good to bring." I so get that. I have had days lately when I felt next best thing to invincible. I feel my strength, and it feels powerful! It feels fantastic! I feel like I am part of something great, something amazing, and I matter, and I can do whatever life brings, whatever God assigns to me.

But other days I feel small. Tired. And I wonder what I was thinking.

That's ok. I can have small days. Over all, I believe God, the Lord my Rock, is training my hands for battles... against untruth, against lies and falsehood, against ideas that do not belong.

I am going to make a difference. Not because I am all that, really, but because God is all that, and he is training me, strengthening me, and assigning me to an important task. If I ever believe it is all about me, I will crash land flat on my face. But as long as i am a servant of the Most High God, maintaining the humility that comes with service and the confidence that comes with not being self-focused, as long as I depend on Him to strengthen me and don't claim that the strength is all mine, then I believe I will be part of something amazing.

I don't know how it is all going to look. It will be scary sometimes, no doubt, and satisfying, and I will be serving others and facing giants of some kind. Sometimes I will be exhausted, and fed up. It But I am saying, "Yes".

Yes!

Yes to the next great adventure. Let's do this.

roots of she: Video : How to be Alone

2011-02-09T22:18:00.001-05:00

beautiful. truth is in here, and it flows with a gentle rhythm of words that sway and step smoothly most of the time, and with little staccato hops now and then to make it interesting. it is good. thank you, tanya.

go see the video and listen for yourself.

midwifery gathering

2011-01-18T09:07:00.006-05:00

We sit in Janice's house, with the snow falling past the window.

Janice is the teacher. She tells stories. Birth stories.

Dressed in soft purple knits, with snow falling thick and gentle behind her, she tells of the small woman giving birth, how Janice went early and traveled through a different snowstorm to get there, about the dad and how he helped his partner, the remedies used, and the wonderful outcome, how she got her warrior woman on and gave birth with power. Great stories.

We talk about remedies and what they do, and we drink tea.

We learn about herbs and birth, and what is normal. We laugh and talk and we laud the strength of birthing women and the partners who love them well.

These gatherings feed my soul. I learn and am nourished. I love these sisters on the path. We are learning together and we will be midwives ourselves someday. Like Janice. Warrior women, serving warrior women.

another one bites the dust

2011-01-08T13:55:00.003-05:00

We have three drivers, and three vehicles that run, for the most part: a minivan, a Jimmy, and a Buick .
With people going different directions at the same time, we need at least two. The third is a leftover that we keep around for backup.
~::~

So, husband took the car in to have it checked today. The brakes were making a noise. "By the way," I asked him, "Could you have them check that leak while you're at it?"

It's been going through coolant fast. We have to add more about every third time we drive it.

He just got the call from the car place with the "estimate."

"The Buick is toast."

Well, that's just dandy. The van is basically a dead van walking, hanging on with a bad tranny and wheel bearing til we can find a cheap replacement. And now the Buick is toast?

Dandy.

The Buick is the one into which we poured money, to keep it running for a while longer. It's the one with the best body and little rust.

It's the one that's toast.

If we had decided to fix its brakes today, it would have been a thousand just for those. Probably not a good investment for an older vehicle. But the leak in the coolant system in an even bigger issue. This leak goes two ways. There's an outside leak, but the bad news is the inner leak that mixes coolant with oil so neither can do its job.

They told us not to drive it all. Yeah, right. We drove it over there and it's one of two cars we have been depending on.

The van is not safe. We use it only when we seem to have no choice. The Jimmy runs and works well enough. It has four wheel drive, a great thing for the snow. And then there's the Buick, which we shall no longer discuss.

I wish cars were cheaper.

I love that Jimmy more than ever.

trip out west

2011-01-07T17:28:00.010-05:00

So I went out west.

Out where the mountains are rocky and covered with snow...

...and provide many opportunities to marvel at their amazing beauty.
(I took this picture from the road somewhere between Denver and Cheyenne, when we had stopped for gas.)

Out West where there are buffaloes and bluffs, and brown landscapes surround.

... and the SUNSETS!! Oh, my goodness, the sunsets!

Yeah, this is what they see from their front door after supper! I don't know what it is about the west that makes such skyscapes, but they are always something special!

I went there to help out this girl:

My daughter, and her husband, who were having their first baby.

In fact, she is in early labor in this picture. Relaxing at home.
Using my laptop to catch up on Facebook.

I helped them put up their first Christmas Tree!

That was fun.

I cooked a few meals, and I loaded their dishwasher a few times.

And I got to help with this:

(She did most of the work, I just cheered her on to victory.)

They even let me hold her!
(I have a thing about not holding other people's new babies too much until the mama and daddy get to. I think it's important to respect that bonding time and let the new family get to know each other first. But they were willing to share, and after that first day or two, I was fine with getting to cuddle my new grandgirl!)

Yeah, I was very fine with it!

I think they are doing great. I'm glad I got to be there with them for a little bit.

Christmas: Round 2

2010-12-30T09:40:00.004-05:00

Did you all have a good Christmas?

Tell me about it... I want to hear about your holidays. Just leave comments so I can read and enjoy them, ok? Whatever you want to share.

Thanks.

So tomorrow the fam is coming over. Since I was gone out west right up until Christmas eve at midnight, and since the younger families want to have their own celebrations in their own homes with their children, starting their own family traditions, and that is a good thing... since all this, we decided to have our family celebration on a different day. We are getting together New Year's Eve for our gifts and celebration.

Christmas Day felt a little different because of this. It was good, but different. Smaller. Daughter who lives at the other end of town came over and we opened gifts, had breakfast casserole, and relaxed around the house as we always have on Christmas Day. But there were only 5 of us.

It wasn't as noisy as usual. Not as full of... something. The commotion of happy people who love each other's company. I missed it. So did the younger ones. We had a good day, don't get me wrong. It was good to relax and the gifts were really nice this year, and it was good to be together. There was just a subtle difference made of having fewer people here and knowing they were somewhere else. I'm so glad daughter came for the day.

Life moves on.

So they each had good days in their own homes, and we are all getting together tomorrow night here, to pick up the celebrating where we left off, the few of us, on Christmas day. It will be good. There will be a crowd. Like 15 of us. And THEN it will feel like Christmas! There will be noise and laughter and gifts to open. There will be small people running around! There will be food and fun and someone will probably be grumpy at some point but it is all part of life and it's all good. I love it!

I hope you have a good Holiday tomorrow as well, and that your New Year starts off well.

The Christmas List

2010-12-24T13:47:00.002-05:00

I said there would be a list of my Joys and Thank Yous for Christmas. And here it is:

488. Christmas tree, shining in the living room. So pretty, so festive. It just glows.

489. Christmas lights twinkling in my house. I love the twinkly kind!

490. Christmas lights all over the countryside, sharing the Holiday Spirit with everyone!

491. Ornaments, reflecting the lights on the branches, telling their stories

492. Decorating the tree together with family, every ornament reminding us of something, some story past, and the sharing that happens right in that moment. Our family history shared and enjoyed.

493. The incredible fact that Christ, having lived forever in heaven, would be willing to come down, take on mortality, and live among us, in order to correct a wrong that we ourselves had done. Even though He knew it would be deeply painful and lead to His death. It's hard to understand such love.

494. Celebrating His birthday with the whole world.

495. Also celebrating family and friends and togetherness.

496. Finding gifts for people I love.

497. Getting good gifts. Did you think I would leave that out?? I am not that virtuous, people!

498. A new baby in the family.

499. The honor of attending the birth of that baby.

500. Sweet memories of being pregnant at Christmastime, kind of identifying with Mary and thinking how glad I was not to be on a donkey at nine months.

501. Nursing a baby by the light of the Christmas tree, in the middle of the night while all the house was silent. The lights from the tree cast a warm light on the baby's contented little face. All is Calm, All is Bright. It's a perfect moment of Peace and Love. This is one of my favorite Christmas memories of all.

Merry Christmas to all of you, dear friends.
Tonight I will be flying home for Christmas. As much as I am glad to have been here in Wyoming to attend daughter's first birth and to be some help, I am really excited to be heading home just in time for Christmas tomorrow.

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." (John 14.27 NLT)

That's God's gift to you, if you take it. If you want more information, check out the Book, the Bible. It's all in there. Otherwise, just ask.

Happy Christmas Eve, friends, Merry Christmas too, and may your homes be filled with His peace and His love. May you each grow to know Him more and more as a good friend, One who loves us beyond anything we can understand.

Windy day in Cheyenne

2010-12-20T13:36:00.004-05:00

It's blowing here. Man is it blowing! They say it can get windy in Cheyenne, and today they sure are right! I want to go out and run a couple errands in daughter's car (I am here visiting her and her family), but it is blowing so loud and hard I wonder how the car will handle in this wind.

I won't be going on the expressway so I imagine it'll be fine. I'll just make my list and go.

I am scheduled to fly home on Friday night, Christmas Eve! I am getting excited about that. It's good that I have been here. It's good I was here for her birth. I am trained as a doula, and she asked me to come. It's also good that she has had someone to help around the house, even though I haven't done a lot of work. Just straightening and getting the dishes done is helpful. Those first few days with a new baby can be so overwhelming. Babies need so much! And they need it constantly! It can be exhausting.

It is interesting that in so many cultures such great care is taken of a new mother. Not so much in this culture, but many places a mother is fed certain foods, restricted in her activities, massaged or loved on... different things in different cultures. I don't think I would like some of those customs, the ones that restricted my freedom especially. But I do think there is something to be said for taking special care of a new mother. Some places set apart a certain number of days - 40 days maybe - for this special time of postpartum care. I think this is a good thing, though I would wish for it to be flexible. In out culture I am suprised that women are expected to be at appointments as soon as the day after they leave the hospital (assuming they have gone to the hospital to give birth in the first place, which choice is another post altogether). If they give birth at home, I believe that any checks that need to be done are made in the home, with
midwives or visiting nurses coming in. At least, that has been my experience.

Anyway, I am here to be helpful for a couple weeks, and after that I think she will be ok. Her husband is very helpful. I hope other friends in the area pitch in too. But right now I have to go run a couple errands for her. Gotta go.

Wrapping Gifts With my Kids on the first Snowy Day of the Season.

2010-12-20T00:00:00.002-05:00

Gift Wrapping on the First Snowy Day

First of December,
The snow begins falling...
Couple of inches and
Keeps coming down.
Quiet and bright.
Ground soft and white.

Up in my sweet room
There with my offspring,
Colorful wrapping,
Fun job ahead...
Presents galore
Spread on the floor.

We are relaxing,
Music is playing...
Happy old Christmas songs
from long ago.
Complete contentment
One perfect moment.

~klm~
12.2.10

It really was one of those perfect moments that will stay in my memory bank for life. One wonderful son, one precious daughter, and me, all together in the room we have just redecorated with my favorite colors. My work was done, so I curled up with pillows on the day bed while they sat on the floor and we talked.

Somehow all the Christmas wrapping paper in the house had migrated to this room, and the gifts they had chosen were spread on the floor waiting to be wrapped.

Pandora filled the air with its best old Christmas music, the kind you hear on the radio every season: "Silver Bells", "Baby, It's Cold Outside", Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, and Eartha Kitts, and the room was filled with Christmas happiness and the love of family.

Then it began to snow!

And outside the windows, we watched things change from late autumn's brown to a new, clean, pure white. The first snow! Right there, right at that moment, while we basked in each other's company, surrounded by colorful papers and ribbons, wrapping gifts to the sound of the season, right then the sky shared its own holiday treasures, and the air inside brightened as the air outside filled with tiny white snowflakes and the ground was covered with white, freshened for a new season.

Perfect moments like this can only be the gifts of a perfect heavenly Father who loves us more than we deserve. I am so grateful to be loved so lavishly.

Where I've Been

2010-12-15T10:23:00.008-05:00

Wow, seriously? I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted. My last post was a gratitude list from Thanksgiving! Linda from Lime in the Coconut read that and suggested it was time for a Christmas list. She has a point! I have been busy with life and not with writing. But it's time. And Ted from Jesus Community noticed I tend to make lists. Well, he's right, I do... this time I'm not listing, but I expect to have a Christmas list up soon. Today I want to tell you where I've been and what I've been up to. I haven't posted much lately because life required my full attention.

I am halfway across the country right now, in the state of Wyoming. The weather is far different here from at home where they are experiencing true winter with near blizzard conditions.

I came out here to attend my daughter's first birth. (I am a trained doula, as well as being her mom.) Got here on December 8th and plan to fly back home on the 24th. A tiny pink thing, Lindsey Ann, was born on the 10th, only two days after I got here. She weighed 7lb, 13 oz, was 20 inches long, and she is simply beautiful. See for yourself:

She has so many different expressions! The run across her face like cloud shadows run across the plains on a windy day, changing constantly.

Sometimes she studies the world around her like a little scientist, scowling in deep thought, figuring out this new discovery. Sometimes a hint of a smile flits across her contented little face. It is amazing, isn't it, how much real humanity is packed into such a tiny package?

After about three days, yesterday she seemed to be getting the hang of life on the outside. Days are beginning to smooth out. Those first few days with a newborn are so intense, with such a huge learning curve for all involved. But everyone is doing well and already I see things settling down.

Meanwhile, back at home, a big winter storm came through. It turned super-cold and roads got very slippery. This is what they tell me by phone. On the way home from church - a half hour drive - the temp dropped 5 degrees and roads began freezing over. Husband was the passenger and my son got a well-coached "first crazy-slippery driving of the season" lesson. I was glad for this. Everyone takes a few times out to remember winter driving each season, and yes, even though he is a pretty responsible 19 year old, still, ice is ice and I worried a little. I will worry a lot less now, knowing his dad was there to help him out this one time when it got so bad.

So I am here, going out shopping in just a sweater while at home they are bundling up. It feels strange. But I am glad that I can be here to help out for a while. I fix meals, help put up their first Christmas tree, load the dishwasher, answer questions on baby care, etc. It's not a lot, but it seems to help out.

It's good.

My Thanksgiving list so far...

2010-11-21T00:02:00.000-05:00

things I'm thankful for at this moment...

473. National Dress Up Day! (Also called Halloween) I love that there is a day when everyone pulls their imaginations out and just has fun with costumes! and I love that a daughter of mine renamed it this fun name, National Dress Up Day.

474. being waited on by Donald Duck

475. People in costume everywhere

476. apple butter, spread thick on good bread

477. turquoise

478. going to a fun concert

479. overnight road trip with daughter

480. meeting the artist and his manager

481. getting my new cd autographed

482. coming home

483. days when my hair turns out

484. misty air that replenishes moisture I've lost to the season's dryness. The mist looks dull and gray in the air, but it feels so good!

485. planning family holiday gatherings, and looking forward to their warmth

486. being together with family, with people I love who love me back.

487. the simple word, "hi", and the power it has to connect people. tiny but powerful!

hot tea and apple butter

2010-11-12T09:53:00.007-05:00

I'm sitting here this morning with a cup of hot, sweet tea...

I love a good cup of tea.

And toast.

With apple butter.

Oh, my!

The water came to a screaming boil, and was promptly moved by offspring who can't stand screaming.

This is very hot water.

Tazo. Awake. Good tea.

A good healthy dash of agave nectar....

A touch of milk...

And two ice cubes. While I make the toast.

Gluten free, rice flour, never tried this before, but it's good! It's delicious!

With apple butter. Oh, I love apple butter!

Apple butter makes me think of my grandfather, PeePop.

PeePop, because the oldest cousin couldn't pronounce PopPop when she was a tiny girl.

PeePop knew how to enjoy apple butter, and he taught us:

A half inch thick on the bread.

Half inch, got it?

Well, who are we to argue with the grandpa?

And so this morning, I savour tea, like my British aunt (on my mother's side) used to enjoy, and with it I eat toast and apple butter, like my father's father used to enjoy.

And my solitary moment is a reflection of my heritage.

Mmmmmm....

Good stuff.

(linked to LL Barkat's "On, In, and Around Mondays" )

Noone Knew

2010-11-05T22:38:00.007-04:00

Noone Knew

Noone knew.

When my heart had broken into shards,

When my heart was aching so very hard

That I could hardly stand it,

And I hurt from the hair down.

Noone knew.

Because I could still walk,

And I could talk,

And I could say, “Fine” when anyone asked.

But they didn't know me well enough to see what was behind my eyes,

So noone knew.

But you knew.

And you cared about me, I could see that in your eyes.

You didn't invade my privacy with questions

Or unnecessary words,

But I bet you prayed for me,

Because you knew.

And you cared for me

As a good friend would do.

You knew.

And you were a good friend.

So I'm telling you now...

Thank you.

~klm~

(This is not a new poem, but it is a real poem. I wrote it years ago. I am sharing it here, responding to L.L. Barkat at http://www.thehighcalling.org/ . We are looking at a specific poetic tool, called the catalog technique. Honestly, I am not sure if this is a good example of this. This repetition is something I use a lot, almost automatically sometimes. I use repetition here not only in the repetition of the main phrase throughout the poem, but also with parts of lines repeated in the first two sections. I remember my dad talking this way sometimes, when he was serious and really wanted me to hear what he was telling me. It reminded me of a preacher, this repeating of a part of a phrase, not in poetry, but in speaking. Maybe his using it with me makes this repetition for emphasis or contrast come naturally to me. But I never knew it had a name, and I'm not sure if what I am doing here is exactly what the catalogue technique is about. Regardless, I write to unload my heart, and the styles and techniques just work themselves out, for better or worse. Please hear my heart when you read this. )

the smell of winter

2010-11-05T15:18:00.010-04:00

The last Sunday morning in October, I sat in the pew and noticed that the air smelled dry, and dusty, like winter. Like Winter, when the furnace blows and the air dries up, and things are dead and brown, and dusty, and scarce on life. That was the last Sunday in October.

The very next day was November, and later in the week brought the first flurries flying in the almost freezing, under an absent-minded sky that scowled, ever so slightly, like it wasn't sure what it was supposed to do.

November is for gray skies. For sunless days that string together like dirty pearls. We all forget what we are supposed to do. We forget who we were, back in the summer. Life ebbs.

Two different people asked me today, as the flurries flew outside, what did I think of the snow? And I said I didn't know yet. I'm not sure what I am supposed to think. I haven't decided. Some people seem surprised by the snow. Others counter with, "What did you expect, it's November!"

I know the snow will pile deep, and then it will shine. It will soften the lines of the landscape and reflect the moon's blue glow. It will sparkle on sunny days and become dotted with sledders on the hills. It will be beautiful. I will love it then. But it will be cold, so cold, and life will ebb some more. Energy fades in the winter. Smiles fade under the colorless skies, and souls need the sun to shine.

But it will be beautiful.

So I don't know what to think, how I feel about the snow that came today. I'm not getting giddy out of a sense of obligation, that's what I'm not. But I'm not hating it, either. Little kids love it, drivers don't. I have no opinion. It's just flurries. It isn't staying yet. Like the smell of winter, it portends, that's all.

(I was challenged by Emily at http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/ to write something to join her and a bunch of her friends for "imperfect prose on Thursdays" over at her place. I wasn't sure if I had anything, but I guess I did after all.)

Pleasures

2010-11-01T10:32:00.002-04:00

456. bright sun shining full on my face like happy kisses

457. getting lost in a big, smooth, steamy vanilla latte, whipped cream on top. Comfort food.

458. potato chips, delicate crunchiness all salty good

459. Kalamata olives

460. the smell of fresh coffee filling a place

461. waiting for the foam to settle down so I can top off my Vernor's

462. shouting for joy, really LOUD! at the top of my lungs! (in the car where I won't scare anyone!)

463. honest sadness.

464. good clean anger. not the ugly kind, but the kind that heals.

465. clouds that shine bright at the edges

466. pretending, when I can, just for the fun of it. It's good to play sometimes.

467. being real and honest, transparent. Within right boundaries, it seems healthy and freeing.

(I don't mean to "be transparent" with other people's stories, even when they overlap mine. I mean to tell the truth when possible about where I am. Still working this out.)

468. really big tortoiseshell sunglasses. I wanted some, in fact, but they told me my prescription wouldn't work in those. So now I just enjoy them on other people.

469. exercise balls

470. lots of suds on top of fresh, just-hot-enough dishwater

471. starting a new week, with new possibilities

472. getting a new cd for my own listening

all piled up

2010-10-27T00:23:00.004-04:00

Friends,

I think I write best when I am not under too much stress - some, mind you, just not too much.

Not enough stress and nothing happens; too much and all my energy is spent in dealing with it.

"Life piles up" sometimes, my good friend tells me.

Yes it does. And it is, and I am full with the dealing and the loving and the doing.

The celebrating and the aching.

We have had: out of town guests, a sudden wedding, a baby party here, a dear friend of my daughter with very serious surgery. And more. All in the last week.

I feel like the hub of a very dizzy wheel. I am the center of the gyroscope. By God's grace I am still upright, though around me life is spinning. I am fine. I am loving and loving and loving. And that is all I can think of right now.

So, I am just letting you all know that I am fine, and I will write as soon as I can, but right now I am focused on life and its needs. The needs of those I love.

Right now, I am making the stories. Later I will tell them.

Soon, I think. When the dust settles a bit.

Utterly loved

2010-10-09T10:53:00.008-04:00

“The Lord your God is in your midst; a victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy. He will be quiet in his love. He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.”
(Zephaniah 3:17 NASB)

I love Zeph 3:17. When I read this, I get a mental picture that thrills and lifts me up, of my God, mighty and powerful, loving me so much that He sings over me! It reminds me of a mother tenderly rocking her precious child as she sings lullabies full of tender love, and then again it gives me a picture of God in joyous, celebratory love that bursts out in song
for the sheer joy of loving!

Think about this with me a minute. God, the mighty warrior... I picture Him here as just having come from battle, and He is victorious! Yes! He has won! The shouts of battle have faded into the background, but still He wears the aura of the thrill of victory! That thrill surrounds Him, is almost palpable, and being in His presence, I feel that thrill, that excitement! Our God is the mighty, victorious one! Always! He never loses. Ever!
He is strong.

And he loves me!

He is "mighty to save"...me! Oh. My. Goodness! Why in the world, why in the WORLD, would such a great God care to look out for me? It is awesome to think that He is strong enough to handle anything, and that I can be safely protected when I am with Him, but why? Why does He even want to take care of me that way?

Because He loves me! Does anyone else get stuck on this like I do? Here is this great, Awesome God, and Yeah, ok, He loves the world, and that is wonderful, and I get that, and I benefit from that, and I'm thankful, but wait... he loves ME! He loves ME? Why? What did I do to deserve this??

Nothing. Really.

That is what is so boggling about this. He loves me, not because of anything I did, have ever done, or will ever do. He loves me because I am me and He loves me because of who He is.

He takes "great delight" in me. Oh, wow. He "exults over me with joy". Oh, wow, I can hardly grasp this!

You know how you exult with joy over an adorable toddler, because they are just so crazy cute you can hardly stand it? You know how you take great delight in a little child, because you just love them so intensely? We in delight in every accomplishment, or even in their just sitting there. We gaze adoringly while they sleep, even, because our hearts just overflow with love. We love them. Not for what they do (they are too little to do anything at first), we love them for who they are. We laugh, overflowing with joy as we watch them. They make us so happy! They truly delight us!

It boggles my mind to think that I make God happy like that. I make God smile
just by being me.

"He will be quiet in his love. He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.” He loves me sometimes in quiet tenderness; he loves me sometimes with shouts of joy. He loves me! He gets that I have different needs on different days, and He loves me right where I am in every instance.

Another version says, "He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." (NIV)

And this is where I get the picture of a mother rocking her child to give comfort, as she sings her love over him. She strokes the soft skin, and her love just pours over that child.

But also... I get the picture of that "joyous, celebratory love that bursts out in song for the sheer joy of loving!" How fun is that?! To be loved that way satisfies something deep in me that I can't even put into words right now.

It is in God's nature to love. I don't have to earn it. He made me, and He did that on purpose. He wanted me, before I was even born. I am loved. His way is to love wholeheartedly, with abandon, and with joy and delight. With fun, and with tenderness, and with good things. His love means I am important. Oh, wow, I am important to God!!

Oh, wow!

And... His love MAKES me important! If God is for me, after all, who can be against me?

To think that my Father loves me like this chases away any kind of self doubt. I am precious in His eyes. And who am I to argue with God? I am precious to God. I am of value.
God says so. It's settled.

No wonder I love Him so. How can I not? He loves me unconditionally, constantly, joyfully! Wow. How cool is that?!

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
(Jeremiah 31.3)

evidence that I am loved

2010-10-06T17:39:00.000-04:00

Love gifts...

443. orchard fresh apples, still dripping with fresh air and juice, bought from the farmer who grew them. You can almost taste the sunshine!

444. stumbling upon a demonstration of wild birds of prey! Full of fun and good information.

445. petting a wild bird, a soft pigeon, white with black spots. so pretty.

446. being fanned by the large, strong wings of a turkey vulture

447. looking into the round, golden eyes of an owl right up close. wondering what he's thinking of me as we look long at each other.

448. pumpkins appearing everywhere, whispering of pies and spices and fall

449. scrubbing the dirt off fresh-dug potatoes and finding their real skin red underneath

450. huge orange carrots, covered brown with the land that grew them, rich with flavor. Readying them for dinner with thanks.

451. Multi colored carrots, some yellow, some deep purple-red, some orange, making for a colorful glad stew.

452. Indian summer... another chance at warmth and sunshine, energy and gladness, this time with colored leaves all around, one more time before the cold sets in.

453. Music playing on websites, a gentle surprise for me to enjoy as I read and learn.

454. Mullein root for backaches, learning how to make the oil that helps

455. Learning the sweetness of truth-telling

What I learned from the Smoking Poet

2010-10-05T14:57:00.007-04:00

It's Tuesday. And that's really close to Monday, right?

The reason I ask is that L.L. Barkat invites us to write on, in and around Mondays.

And I am practicing something a poet told me.

I sat in a crowded, smoke filled restaurant one New Year's Morning and found myself sitting at the bar between a musician and a poet. (There were no tables left and if I wanted food, I had to sit at the bar in the smoking section to get breakfast.) I love this town. It is full of artists. What are the odds of going out for a simple breakfast and finding myself sitting with a poet on one side of me and a musician on the other?

I talked briefly with the poet, and he told me that he writes a poem a day. Every day. As he talked, he smoked. The whole place was full of stinky, gray smoke. Every other restaurant must have been closed for the holiday, because it was crazy, buzzing busy there that morning. And smelly, and full of smoke. The cooks in back were overwhelmed and moving as fast as they could to keep up. Pans and plates clanged and clashed. Voices shouted. I watched. And the poet wrote. And he smoked. He didn't talk much; we just had that short conversation. And I was amazed. How could he write in such a noisy, stinky, head-buzzing environment?

He told me that he writes a poem every day. As a personal discipline. He doesn't wait for inspiration, or for a mood to move him. He just decides to write and he does. He told me that he liked the energy in that place. I didn't. It helped him write. It took away my appetite!

But I got the idea that if I want to write - poems or anything else - then I have to just do it. It is easiest for me to write when something is going on, when something inspires my creativity, or when I need to work through something. But sometimes I should just write because I decided to. It would be good discipline for me.

So, thanks to the smoking poet in the smelly restaurant, who taught me something, I am writing today. Even though I don't feel like I have something important to say. Still it is Monday...ish. Well, it is "around Monday", and that is as good a reason to write as any.

And, thanks, L.L., for the invitation.

ps- You know what? That day, I ended up taking my food out of that place and eating it where I had quiet. And in my quiet, I wrote a poem. Maybe I'll post it sometime.

good things

2010-10-04T11:59:00.000-04:00

439. clam chowder

440. creativity, seeing it spread all over the city, watching it expressed by my good friends.

441. Hot soup on a cold, wet day

442. stellarium, Downloaded onto my computer, it shows me the sky from any time, anyplace. I can take my laptop outside at night and match it up to the sky over my house, and it will tell me what everything is! Every star, every planet! It's very smart.

The Turquoise Room

2010-09-25T11:15:00.008-04:00

Ok, This:

is the color I have painted the new room
(new for me to use because a grown-up daughter moved out)

(this image is taken from
http://theinspiredroom.net/2010/01/25/colored-walls/
where there are a lot of great ideas)

My new room will be my office/reading room, and also, hopefully, a place for conversation. Daughter's bed will stay, in the form of a day bed piled with pillows for comfy lounging. I envision people reading there sometimes. My new writing desk will be there, too. I hope to get a lot of studying accomplished in my new room.

I am happy to see, in the photo above, that the floors are tan, because that's close to the color of the carpet I plan to put in there. I wanted the color of sand at the beach, only more speckled to hide the inevitable spills and wear that happen at my house.

I will show you more pictures as they happen. So far, the walls are painted.

I do like to paint... especially when my kids are working with me.

They have their own way of making it fun. (Really? A skull and crossbones?) I love these kids so much!

Next, another son is coming the week after next to paint the ceiling and add white crown molding.

I plan to hang a very old (over 100 yrs) door on the wall, sideways, as decoration, so this next week I want to get that cleaned up and ready to bring inside. Since it's been sitting outdoors, it's gotten dirty along the bottom edge. I want to clean it up but leave the weathered paint alone. This vintage door came from the old farm house at the far end of our land that used to belong to friends. We bought our land from that old farmer. They are gone now. The old house, built in 1897, is gone now. But I have a few pieces of it, and this old door is one of the pieces. I think it will look great, weathered white paint against the deep turquoise.

The carpet is ordered and waiting for these things to get done before it is installed.

It is so great that when I mentioned to Husband that I was thinking about turning this room into my office, he immediately agreed!

I will keep you posted as to my progress. I'm really excited about this. I do not get to redo a room very often, so this is a big deal! I am having a lot of fun with this!

new joys. constantly.

2010-09-20T09:21:00.009-04:00

429. ripe, sweet pear, brought fresh this morning from the farmer's market, juicy goodness glistening in the sun

430. the luxury of a pedicure

431. bright pink nail polish

432. fresh paint, making a room new

433. subscriptions to online comics bringing me smiles every day

434. seeing a friendly dog downtown that reminded me of The Never Ending Story.

(She looks kind of like that big white friendly creature in the movie, doesn't she?)

435. Learning together with my midwifery sister-students. There is something special about being with these women. Hanging out with them nourishes my soul.

436. Adirondack chairs right outside my door, waiting for the break when I take a cup of tea, or a tall glass of water, and rest a few minutes

437. warm breezes after a run of fall-cool days. This feels better!

438. street musicians spreading music and good will all through the neighborhood

random beauty

2010-09-20T07:58:00.005-04:00

422. small, red barn in bright yellow field surrounded by a deep green bank of trees, colors all sharpened by misty rain

423. Wedding colors: deep purple and apple green. very pretty, very fun!

424. these cupcakes! by Cupcake Zoo

425. gazebo at river's edge

426. finding new shops to browse while we wait

427. everyone being flexible when the weather turns wet. Flexibility is a great quality!

428. little girls in pretty, dressy dresses, all shined up for a special occasion

long day, short poem

2010-09-14T22:43:00.007-04:00

bright half moon
deep black sky
long hard day
good sweet night

(Some days just take more work than others, and it is really good to see them end. Rest looks very inviting!)

Random Pleasures

2010-09-13T00:33:00.002-04:00

407. the cherry on top!

408. sun-bleached curls gleaming on little children

409. baby laugh, all bellyful and chuckly, and you can't help but laugh with!

410. creme brulee

411. long braids on sweet girls

412. eyes that shine all happy

413. rain splatters on the window

414. love's caresses, soft and gentle

415. sun breaking through

416. tiramisu

417. late day sky of purple and orange

418. being with friends

419. inside jokes, when all you have to do is look and you both break into knowing smiles

420. breakfast out

421. having a baby fall asleep on you, knowing that you are their safe place right then. Such trust and comfort. What an honor!

(more of my list of joys and thank yous. Because no matter what, there is always much to be thankful for.)

What I've been working on today

2010-09-07T17:05:00.005-04:00

Today I have a project. I'm refinishing this:

This is my dad's old workbench.
It's full of splatters and gouges and love.
When we were little, sometimes he'd call out,
"Who wants to come help me in my workshop?"
and if we chose, we could go down in the basement and "help" him.
We held the board while he cut it, helped him read the numbers on the tape measure,
or handed him things.
Sometimes we just watched.

I watched him use the plane and I was amazed. I could never get that thing to work like he did! When Dad used the plane to smooth a board, great blond curlicues of wood would come out of it, and he would let me play with them. When I tried, not one thing came curling out.
That plane was like magic to me!
I loved that tool!

There used to be a vice attached to the side of this old desk, and there are chunks cut off the edge where the saw was sharp and the board was clamped too close to the tabletop.

When we worked with Dad at his workbench, we learned about measuring
and cutting and teamwork and life.

I always liked this desk. I like the strong, graceful turn of the legs,
and all the memories piled up in it.

I was mighty happy when he said I could have it!!
I mean really, mighty happy!

This afternoon I was refinishing it outdoors at my house.

I didn't take a good "before" picture of the whole thing, but here you can get an idea of what the top looked like with paint spilled and holes drilled and the corner
sort of cut off at a little bit of a funny angle.

It's had quite a history!

Here is the section of the top that I worked on already. The cuts and scratches still show, but the beautiful grain is beginning to shine through. Some of the paint splashes came off, but some were untouched by the refinisher I was using. I love that it still looks rough, used, and laden with rich, sweet stories, yet is much cleaner and just a little bit smoothed out.

But just a little bit.

Isn't it a pretty shape? I've always loved it!

and...

It is going to be my new writing desk!

I am excited!

Eventually, today's strong winds put a stop to my progress. The refinisher was evaporating too fast. I got the first step done, and I am going back to finish it later, when the wind dies down.

(This is another post related to:
http://seedlingsinstone.blogspot.com/2010/09/on-in-and-around-mondays-chair.html
just so you know.)

Birthday Happiness

2010-09-06T01:50:00.001-04:00

(adding to my list of joys and thank yous)

392. So many friends wishing me a Happy Birthday on Facebook!!

393. Husband taking me out shopping for a birthday treat.

394. A surprise party given me by my wonderful family.

395. Birthday cheesecake! With chocolate drizzled over the top. And raspberries. Yes, indeed!

396. The fact that they put the right number of candles on that thing! Wow!

397. Blowing all the candles out in one breath! (So... I get my wish then, right?)

398. Ribbon streamers hanging from the ceiling!

399. Balloons! (I like balloons.)

400. Being surrounded by tiny girls wishing me "Hoppy Booday".

401. Birthday coupons, such as...

402. Free Birthday Coffee! And...

403. Free Birthday Ice Cream! And...

404. Free Birthday Dinner Entree!

405. Celebrating my birthday for days, weeks, as long as I want!

406. "Belated" birthday greetings, otherwise known as "extended" birthday greetings!

406. Friends who tolerate my endless celebration.
They even encourage this nonsense! I have such great friends!

Right Here

2010-08-31T22:12:00.005-04:00

Right here, I sit and write, and wonder whether I ought to be doing something else.
Like laundry.
Or dishes.
Or at least supervising those types of things...
Out there.
I do have responsibilities after all.
But I remember what I heard today...
that creativity is a thing to be used and nurtured.
So I sit,
Determined to continue sitting,
Right here,
Under the big round mirror,
Where the yellow chair is comfortable sometimes,
Bitingly uncomfortable at other times,
Where the laptop is all mine
And I can write
Or edit pictures.
To my heart's content.
I can create.
And it does make my heart content!
Sitting
Right here
In my yellow room,
Where sunshine comes in softly,
comfortable and inspiring.
Where the antique bed stands ready in case of guests,
But right now empty,
Freeing this room for me to play,
To nurture the creative,
Under its friendly gaze...
In this room,
Right here.

~klm~

(in response to the suggestion at
http://seedlingsinstone.blogspot.com/2010/08/on-in-and-around-mondays-room-with-view.html )

By the Campfire

2010-08-31T21:01:00.001-04:00

- Star Flower -
Full moon rising over her shoulder
She sits by the fire, her long braids hanging.
Moonlight and firelight shine
On my beautiful daughter.

~klm~
8.30.10

Camping

2010-08-31T19:00:00.009-04:00

Beautiful place! Near the junction of two slow-moving rivers, on an island... we had the place practically to ourselves.

The morning sun rising behind my sweet daughter helping with her little nephew Caleb.

Sweet Abigail in the morning.

Breakfast outdoors...
Hot coffee is the best first thing on a cool morning, sitting outdoors while the sausage cooks over the fire, eggs on the camp stove.

Watermelon at lunchtime!

Grandgirls everywhere!

Husband and son lumberjacking together, felling a dead tree for firewood. I love seeing the strength in them both.

Turns out I loved the boat!

I loved the feel of flying over the water, with the breeze blowing in my face, and the occasional cool spray on my skin.
I loved it when we went back over our wake, making our boat rise and fall in the water.
I loved seeing the beauty on both sides of me - the trees, the sand, the green, the cloudless blue above.
I loved seeing the bald eagle flying to the top of a tree and the swans on the water, and the egrets standing on long legs.
It made me laugh right out loud for the sheer joy of it all.
I loved the boat rides!

Solace and jazz

2010-08-25T23:19:00.005-04:00

Today was busy
almost frantic
and solace was hard to find.
I sat and calmed
but only a minute -
quiet was hard to find.
I took a nap but even then,
peace ran right away.
I wanted solace but couldn't grasp it,
until tonight, when
I found some smooth, sweet jazz, and drank it down
with a cup of hot tea,
a speck of sugar, and milk.

(this post is in response to a suggestion at
http://seedlingsinstone.blogspot.com/
who I only just recently discovered.
You should go visit!)

Weary, but usable

2010-08-23T21:57:00.005-04:00

I feel tired. Weary.
I was starting do feel pretty discouraged in this state,
feeling like I couldn't accomplish anything, and like everything was huge and tragic,
until I remembered that those times that I am useful,
it is not because I have strength, or energy, or beauty, or brains.
I am useful to God, free to do great things, free to help change the world,
when I am just willing to be useful.
Wow.

If I am willing, He will do great things through me, regardless of how I feel.

Amazing!

And when the difficult times come along,
I consider that if He is allowing these days, then He must be preparing me for something great. Something with a good that is bigger than this bad day is bad.
Because that is how God is.

And I am encouraged.
Still tired, and still weary, and still feeling too small for the day ahead. But confident that how I feel does not limit God and what he can do through me, if I choose to be usable.

2 Corinthians 12:10 - Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Bird Accomplishment!

2010-08-16T12:01:00.006-04:00

The babies have learned to fly! Fat, feathered babies crowded into the nest so full of them that I thought they would fall out (how DO they sleep at night!) and finally they are flying.

The air over the back yard filled with birds they day they learned. It seemed the entire barn swallow community came to celebrate, to show them how it should be done, this flying business.

One bird stayed behind that day, huddled in the nest, watching. Noone bothered him. The next day or so, he was out there in the sky, indistinguishable from the others making circles in the air.

Each one learns at his own pace. Even in the bird world.

August Pleasures

2010-08-09T10:37:00.005-04:00

383. second round of baby birds (the first, of course, was in the spring), squeezed tight in their little nest waiting for dinner to be delivered, clamoring in high pitched baby voices when it comes.

384. my birthday... all month! Claiming every celebration as my own!

385. basil and mint growing friendly together

386. hearing fireworks, from somewhere, celebrating something. I don't even know what... but isn't it fun to know someone, somewhere is celebrating?

387. Sunday night, family watching a movie all together

388. Hot temperatures calming down. Opening up my house to feel breezes again.

389. cicadas singing loud hot songs on long hot days

390. planning a party! for a beloved son who has earned it.

391. being proud of my kids in a mom sort of way, not proud of myself, but thrilled at the good qualities I see growing in them. I like these kids of mine!

Rainy morning pleasures

2010-08-09T09:59:00.006-04:00

371. slow, gentle rain

372. raindrops gathering in puddles on the glass

373. or gathering in little rivulets and running down together

374. thirsty flowers happy

375. mist rising behind the trees across the valley

376. stone path shining wet

377. driving through a puddle and splashing water high, like an upsidedown waterfall spraying all over... and then being glad the brakes still work afterward

378. going out to breakfast with husband on a wet, drippy, dark, comfy morning

379. Eggs done just the way I like them, with fried potatoes perfectly crispy around the edges, and just right in the middle. (and having them cooked for me.)

379. coffee with cream, because I can. Just this once. Probably.

380. thunder... and even a little lightning

381. getting wet and not caring, even if it makes me cold. It is so good to actually feel the rain once in a while

382. tiny crystal raindrops hanging, sparkling ornaments everywhere. The whole world is decorated now.

Can you see them? Fuzzy in the photo, but crystal clear in real life, just imagine!

There is so much beauty everywhere, and so often I don't see it...
I have to choose where to focus.

Day at the Zoo

2010-08-04T13:47:00.017-04:00

Yesterday, Husband was handling some paperwork here, and came to a question regarding our membership at the zoo. He called to talk to someone about it, who answered his question and then told him about all the cool things at the zoo this summer. By the time he got off the phone, he had decided we all should go to the zoo for the day!

Spontaneity rules the day!

We had a great time.

This is Mighty Mike, the zoo's huge new alligator. He was a nuisance alligator in Florida. The man who caught him (I'd love to hear that story!) was so impressed with him that instead of putting him down, he worked and worked until he found a place that would take him. Our zoo was wishing for an alligator, so it was a perfect fit!

Mighty Mike is said to weigh at least 500 pounds, and is somewhere around 15 feet long. They keep him separated from the other alligators, because given the chance he would eat them.

Husband was pretty impressed with the size of that alligator!

We all enjoyed the zoo. I enjoyed watching my children.

The flamingos were pretty cool.

(Ok, these are not flamingos, are they... but I don't know their names. Are they storks? Pelicans? I think they might be pelicans.)

They were looking at the Bald Eagles when they noticed a lost pacifier in the enclosure.
We laughed about that, imagining the scene when it happened.

One of the zoo's special attractions this summer is a Monarch exhibit.

They will release these butterflies in the fall so they can migrate.... so pretty!

I liked the turtles.

I think turtles are cool anyway.

These are my kids.

And this is my husband, who is pretty handsome, I think.

But I am not related to this guy...

He was just chillin' on this hot day.

Yeah, it was a good day.

I'm so glad Husband thought of it!

more favorites, with thanksgiving!

2010-07-29T22:26:00.002-04:00

366. summer solstice. The peak of the year, full of sunshine - life affirming, energy-giving sunshine!

367. Junebugs, though there haven't been many this year. They have such a funny, clumsy way of being... always bumping into things and never quitting. Funny bugs.

368. Lightning bugs! Seriously, who would have thought of such a fun idea? Bugs that light up! I love them!

369. Balmy summer nights so delicious that I never want to go in to bed. I am seriously considering getting a futon or something outdoors so I can sleep out on those warm, wonderful nights.

370. Mocha-mint blended iced drinks... yes I know they are not good for you. But as a rare treat, they are so delicious!

(Yes, these are June blessings, and August is already here. There is still a possibility that I might catch up to life. It could happen! Still, even though late in coming, I felt they were
thank-worthy... so there you go.)

Wisdom

2010-07-28T16:09:00.004-04:00

Life gets heavy sometimes. And when it does I tend to curl up and ponder. I do well when I ponder the problem while looking to God's Word for answers, not so well when I ponder the problem and stay right there. Just looking at it first one way and then another, wrestling with it and getting tied up with it.

In those times I end up all curled up around the problem, and focused on it, believing I want a solution, but not looking to the Solution. I forget the basics.

So today, I said out loud (and by "out loud" I mean I posted it on Facebook, right where the whole world could see it, or at least certain friends of all walks who I have allowed access to this window into my life) I said I needed wisdom from God. Not just "some" wisdom, but a "truckload" of wisdom! In fact, a "huge truckload!" I said.

Yes, I put that right out there on Facebook.

And I got a response. From someone who knows me well. He reminded me that if I needed wisdom, I could ask for it, and that no matter how much I ask for, God will give that and more! It's right there in James 1:5.

Oh, yeah! The basics! I have heard that verse so many times, but I was not thinking about it today as I wrestled with how to respond to a challenging situation... I only knew how desperately I needed the wisdom that only God can provide.

Sometimes I love that Facebook!

The next thought to cross my mind was that sometimes, even though I do know that God will provide wisdom, it seems so long in coming. And you know what? Right in the same passage, the very verse above, it says, "Let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and whole, lacking nothing."

Oh, yeah! Patience! It doesn't have to be obvious right now to be real!

So then. If I have asked, then I can be sure that the solution will be evident WHEN IT IS NEEDED! At the right time. My job is to ask God for wisdom and then to be patient. His job -- His promise -- is to give me the wisdom I need. Generously. At the right time.

Ok, I can rest now.

And untie myself from the knot I was getting into.

Do you hear me breathing a sigh?

Yeah. For real.

halfway through summer

2010-07-20T19:20:00.002-04:00

It's true. According to the news online, today marks the midpoint of summer. I don't know how to feel about that! I am glad to know we have quite a bit of warmth and sunshine left, but... really? Halfway? That's a little unsettling.

Silly, but I am a tiny bit scared of losing summer, because I know that by winter's end I am usually dragging through the days, fighting depression and aching for sunshine.

But...that's some seven months away, so I really shouldn't be worrying about it now, right? Why should I let the fear of impending winter cloud my best days of summer?

I don't know. I wish it didn't.

Meanwhile, I do love this warm weather we've been having.

I soak it up every chance I get.

a few of my favorite things

2010-07-20T19:10:00.003-04:00

350. learning something new

351. snuggling next to the man I love, or just knowing he is close to me

352. cricket song

353. frogs singing croaky music on the pond

354. killdeer shouting

355. sitting outside as twilight grows

356. daisies shining bright in the green

357. roses blooming everywhere

358. the smell of fresh air

359. hula hoops! and yes, I can.

360. bargains

361. learning the names of plants and what they are good for, what kind of jobs they can do

362. motherwort, for example

363. Jump rope, and I sort of can. But not very much. Yet.

364. clouds. Their infinite variety.

365. kids in the house making happy together noises

100th post!

2010-07-12T10:31:00.005-04:00

OK, I keep waiting until I have something really important to say because, after all, this is my one hundredth post and shouldn't it be noteworthy? Shouldn't it be profound or something? Or at least have really good pictures?

But nothing I had was spectacular, or particularly significant, even.

So I didn't write anything for kind of a long time.

Well, that's a bummer.

Therefore, today I am writing my one hundredth post -- yay! -- about nothing at all. And it feels much better than waiting until I have something profound to say.

Yep, doing stuff you love is better than waiting for something ideal to happen; being is better than waiting to be.

Well, that's a little bit profound, isn't it?

Visit to the Gardens

2010-06-26T22:26:00.000-04:00

Back in May, it must have been...

we visited the Gardens,

daughter and I

they are in full bloom

and there are some beautiful glass sculptures there right now

(These are the spiky ones that fascinated us sticking tall out of the ground like that.)

and we also saw a couple frogs that she wants to identify. This guy and one other.

the gardens never fail to delight us!

Rainy Day On the Porch

2010-06-08T15:19:00.006-04:00

I'm sitting on my porch listening to the rain. It whispers through the air, gurgles down the downspouts, splashes happy against the ground. Little raindrop footsteps stomp all over the porch roof, running, dancing over my head. Daughter is out in the wet grass, letting go the garter snake they found and caught a week ago. It seems happy. She is happy. I am too, here on the porch in the rain.

I love porches. On the porch I feel the air move, breezes blow my hair and slide warm and soft along my skin. On the porch I listen to the birds, watch the sun travel through the sky.

Or like today, on the porch I feel the rain without getting wet. The porch shelters. I smell the rain and feel the dampness in the air. The grass drinks up and sighs contentedly, and so do I. Rain releases tension, like breezes do, like a massage releases tension.

Cars riding on the wet road make a different sound than when the road is dry. Every rainy sound joins with the next to make a restful music of nature and wet. Rain music. A robin sings just now, the lilting melody that robins do. Nothing like it. It fits in with the rest of the Rain music, a little descant.

If I were inside the house, I would be missing all this music. All of it. I would be busy with things-I-ought-to-do-inside. But on the porch, I see, and hear, and feel nature. And I relax. It's like being on vacation.

bits of joy

2010-06-07T06:44:00.001-04:00

counting gifts...

338. soaking wet kids coming in from the rain, all smileful.

339. spinach leaves, fresh raspberries, cashews, and poppyseed dressing make a delicious and healthy salad.

340. chiming clock

341. rainy days, good for slowing

342. loving the same man still

343. being loved by that same man

344. friends who pray for me

345. And who give me just the words I need to hear when I need them

346. learning about wild plants and their uses

347. recognizing the song of the robin, because it sounds like my phone's ringtone!

And...

348. sometimes thinking my phone is ringing when I'm outside and a robin sings. If I were that bird I would be laughing at me! Good joke, Robin!

348. old fashioned lace doilies

349. following butterflies... in this case, with a camera. Not my good idea... my kids did this.

You have anything you're glad for this day??

Of course you do... what is it?

a haiku

2010-06-06T15:22:00.003-04:00

S'mores

Warm marshmallows, soft
Almost crunchy graham crackers,
Rich, dark chocolate.

(I am learning that s'mores are better with crackers that are not too crispy. Let them sit in the cupboard a while before s'moring them for better results: yummier, less messy, easier to eat.)

(copyright klm)

Random Snippets

2010-06-02T11:56:00.011-04:00

... of life here ...

... Lookin' out my front door. Blossom time was waning. Nice spot for sittin'.

Buttercups outside my back slider.

Precious grandgirl being a good little mama to her baby.

Buttercups climbing up through the back yard hose.

My spinning wheel and its shadow. It sits on the landing of the stairway in the living room.

rain, and we return to normal scheduling

2010-05-31T10:05:00.007-04:00

I woke early this morning to the sound of thunder rolling, rolling, long and loud, across a dripping wet sky six shades darker than usual... and also to the sweet sound of Husband coming home. He and two sons just got back from taking Sweet Girl back out west after a visit here. It was good to have her here for the week.

Very Good.

We shopped and talked, she got to hang with her family. We got to love on her for a few days.

But now she is gone again, and my deep love goes with her. I work on balance: to care, but not carry the burdens that are hers alone. I do love that girl! Love all these kids with whom I have been blessed. I am so proud of the way they look out for each other, care for each other. It's the way I think Christ would want us to act toward each other.

So the house returns to normal, the rain falls hard, the thunder hollers loud and deep, the grass practically glows green after the good soak, the sky rests dark, and we all move a little slower because it's a rainy day. Rainy days are good that way. Restful. Also good to moderate the temperatures, which have been so high lately that even I, who was so looking forward to warmth, had to come inside and cool off, drinking glass after glass of water to stay hydrated.

Today the temperatures are gentler. Today we can open the windows and hear the outdoor sounds, feel less insulated. Today we can smell the freshness of grass after rain, move at a comfortable pace, and not have to use caution to avoid heat exhaustion.
Today I can enjoy having Husband back home. I missed him.

this perfect night

2010-05-25T20:00:00.003-04:00

I am sitting on my deck right now, smelling grass that flies out of the mower as son cuts.

It's tall!

The mower was broken for a while
and the grass just kept on growing while it was out of commission.
(Wouldn't it be nice if grass - and other responsibilities - stopped growing
until we were ready to handle them?)

I love the smell of freshly cut grass. I watch the tall stalks of grass lie down and become like their brothers, all sheared the same...and looking good. Jack Red-Wing fusses at son, then swoops low over my head as if he holds me responsible for the disruption my son and his mower are causing.

The air is warm and perfect. 81 degrees and I can't imagine a more comfortable night. I wish I could move my bed out here so I could sleep in this 81 degree perfection, with the smell of grass, and the ideal temperature, and the sounds of life at night. Frogs and their friends.

I am thankful for....

318. perfect nights.

319. a strong son who willingly helps.

320. the smell of grass

321. sweet girl learning to mow the yard too

322. warmth, finally!

323. times for rest

324. "Life piles up." -- my wise friend, and she is right, and it's ok.

325. Sound of mower humming, growling at the tough places, then humming again.

326. How pretty the yard looks after it's mowed.

327. Romance. Not just the falling in love kind, but the finding beauty in every moment wherever you are kind. Which sometimes includes falling in love all over again.

328. watching a movie together that makes you laugh out loud.

329. mower coughing, spluttering on a thick, too-tall place, then skillful maneuvering getting past it without stalling and feeling like a conqueror!

330. Bugs. they say it's summertime! (or close, at least)

331. sun lowering, casting house shadow that climbs up the trees

332. this right now time after supper, when the day slows and winds down peaceful

333. family volleyball the other day! I dared to take part! No fear of ridicule this time.

334. Girl home from far away. for a few days. So good. So good.

335. family gatherings always fun and love-full, with laughing and talking and dealing and being. Together.

336. Birds singing bedtime songs.

337. Being able to be thankful. Sometimes it is hard, but right now, in this near perfect moment, it is so easy.

more thanks

2010-05-17T05:55:00.006-04:00

306. Rain watering the earth, which must smile a silent thanks after a good soaking

307. New baby peach tree, planted with love as a Mother's day gift, right out the front door where I can see it every time I walk down my hall

308. Green! Rich and full, everywhere!

309. Offspring willing to help out

310. Coffee in the morning as a rare treat

311. Working out and feeling strong

312. Seeing Husband love what he's doing, and be so good at it

313. Beloved friends who join me in celebrating thankfulness and daily delights

314. fresh-made pizza to take home to the hungries after a long, long day

315. wildflowers with jobs to do...healing jobs

316. lilacs smelling like heaven, I bet

317. discovering that the little heart-shaped leaves of the wood sorrel are good to eat!
...they taste lemony.

Singing Anyway

2010-05-11T13:03:00.004-04:00

Today is rainy and cold.... and windy. I wonder what the wind chill is today. It's not comfortable, it's nasty out, and frankly I would like some warmth and sunshine.

So I'm sitting here on my laptop and I hear a bird outside my window. Chirping! Happy-sounding little guy. How sweet!

And I think, "There he is out in the cold, wet rain... singing!" And here I am complaining about the darkness, the cold, the wind, the weather. Inside, where it's warm. With the lights on.

I'm not saying I have to pretend I have no preferences. I still would prefer nice weather... but I can sing! Can't we, even when things are not comfortable, choose to see what is good, choose to be thankful anyway?

Can't we sing?

Granted, there are times when life gets so heavy we have no song in us, but that's not most of the time. Most of the time we let little things get to us, and we lose our joy, or we ignore the joy that lies dormant in us.

Quit it, people, ok?

Let's sing!

Let's allow joy to prevail!

Day After Mother's Day

2010-05-10T15:28:00.003-04:00

So did you all have a good Mother's Day? I hope so. If I'd gotten on this blog sooner, I'd have wished you one, so consider yourself belatedly wished a happy mother's day!

What did you do to celebrate? I had a good day here - we went out for dinner with the grown children who live near enough and their children. So there were 14 of us at Applebee's for lunch. I love being together with all of my children (or as many as possible). What a good day. And for a gift, my children all went together and bought me a peach tree! I am excited about that!

As wonderful as this day can be sometimes, there are two groups that I think about on Mother's Day who I think must ache as we celebrate: the women who long to be mothers but aren't, and the children whose mothers abandoned or otherwise seriously let them down.

It is important for us to celebrate; it is important for us to honor mothers. Where would the human race be without mothers in general, and where would we each be without our mothers in particular? And what kind of people would we become if we stopped saying thank you? It's good for us to take a day now and then to think about the people who helped us get where we are today. It's not like any one of us made it on our own.

But as we mothers are honored, how do the women feels who desperately wish to have children but have none? I know their hearts ache. Mother's Day can be very hard for them.

I think we need to honor the heart of mothering. Women who mother the children of others in so may ways, showing unconditional love... those women deserve honor too. Teachers and choir directors and childcare workers, and the neighbor down the street who loves on the kids after school... they show a mother's love the children in their world, and they deserve praise for that. So on Mother's Day I wish a Happy Day to all the Mothers and to all who have mothered in their own way. If I get a chance, I give my rose to the young woman with the heart of a mother who waits with tears through months of infertility treatments, and when she says she doesn't deserve it, I tell her yes she does, and I explain why. Mothering is about the heart.

But what about the kids whose mothers have left them, or kids who feel abandoned by their mothers? Kids who live with mothers who don't show a mother's love? Or kids who don't even know their mothers? Or kids whose mothers have died and they are still grieving? These kids are around us, and on Mother's Day they say nothing. They have no one to thank, to praise, to honor, while we celebrate. We don't see them because they are quiet on this day.

This must be a hard day for them. (Same as Father's Day is for those who don't know or have deep issues with their fathers.) We need to be sensitive, not in a way that diminishes the respect and appreciation we need to show for our mothers on this day, but somehow we need to try and not make it worse for these kids. Hard to balance that. I don't know how to do that. Do you have any thoughts? 'Cause I could use some practical ideas here.

the mailbox, the deer, and the car

2010-04-13T21:52:00.006-04:00

In the last post I mentioned that after selling some land our mailbox might need to be moved, but that the Post Office said we could leave it where it was for now.

Well, guess what...

I had gone to bed a little early and was sleeping soundly enough that I never even heard the noise outside, but a soft knock on the bedroom door woke me at about 11:30pm.

"Mom?"

"Yes?" I scuttled to the door quickly in the dark and moved into the hallway.

"Did you hear it?"

"No...hear what?"

She took me to her brother's room, across the hall from mine, and through his window we saw that a car had gone off the road and had it's headlights pointing in a direction no headlights should point. We live at the top of a hill, and in the black of the cloudy night, it was hard to tell what had happened way down on the road, but they both told me of the sounds they'd heard: first a loud screech... and she thought then she heard a "thunk, thunk, thunk". Two cars had already stopped to help -- they must have been close behind. I called 911 and they thanked me but told me they had already been called. We watched as flashers pulled up -- first a police car and later a "flatbed tow truck" as we called it. No ambulances. This was a good sign. We watched from the window, we watched from the deck, we watched from the porch, but we did not go down there because there was already help and we would most likely just be in the way.

An our or so later the phone rang, and the deputy was on the line. He was calling to let me know that there was some damage to our mailbox. Well, to the post. And mail had been scattered but he'd picked it up already. And here, he said, is the driver's insurance information if you need it.

Turns out that a deer had caused the accident, there were no serious injuries, but the car was a mess. We went down the next morning to look things over and discovered that our mailbox post was broken in two places, one below ground level! Snapped right off below the ground!! The little tree bush right by the mailbox is pretty skinned up, too.

Do you know what this means? We are moving the mailbox, that's what. We will not wait after all, because half the work is already done! Husband went out and bought a new post and paint, and new numbers. (I have to find that insurance info tomorrow.)

And as convenient as this is for us, I feel bad for the woman who must have been scared to death when that deer ran out in front of her, and thankful that she wasn't hurt badly, sorry that her car was totaled and thankful that the deer got away.

But also, it makes me keenly aware, once again, that life has changed. The place where the mailbox was is no longer our land. It belongs to someone else now. It's funny how grief rises up at the most unlikely moments after a loss, even a loss that you chose, and sort of smacks you when you least expect it. Grief is not polite.

Spring Rain

2010-04-07T12:02:00.003-04:00

Thunderstorms rolled through here yesterday, loudly announcing the arrival of spring! The sun rose but we didn't see it though the clouds, and about midmorning, it got dark again as those clouds turned black. There was lightening and thunder and all kinds of fun, and we watched out the window and didn't get much else accomplished.

About 11:25am, some 15 minutes after the storm passed and all that was left was the gentle rain and the brightening skies, the power went out. I love when that happens. The world gets quiet like no other time. Usually I don't call the power company right away. I expect some neighbor already has and anyway, why spoil the fun?

But this time I happened to call within about 2 minutes to report the outage. I called again later to get an update on their automated line. Some time after that I received a phone call from the power company asking about our house.

Ok back up a minute - until January, we have owned 15 acres here. The mailbox is at one end of the land and the house is at the other end, which places the driveway around the corner from where the mail box is. We have sold some land and maybe at some point we will have to move the mailbox closer to the house, but the Post Office says they are fine with things the way they are for now. Our address is where the mailbox is. Not where the house is.

So I got a call from the electric company asking me where is my house?? I told her and she said that the guy was in his truck looking for my house. I could see his truck out my window, so I understood the situation. "At the top of the hill", I told her. I could hear her pass the info to him. I asked her if any other houses were without power and she said no, only ours had reported... but she said there could be others that didn't call in because people sometimes figure other neighbors would have already called. Hmmm... yes they do, don't they?

About one minute later a nice young repairman rolled into my driveway. He told me, "Your house doesn't... it isn't..." I think he wanted to say, "it isn't right!" but was trying to be nice about it. I finished his sentence for him and agreed that the house is not where you would expect. He told me it was frustrating (twice) and I apologized(twice). I told him I get calls from the UPS guy sometimes, asking the same questions.

He went out to look at the power pole on the side of the house and sure enough there was a broken switch. "Must have broken when lightening hit it, and then took a few minutes to burn through." I nodded as if I had a clue what he was talking about. I understood enough to know I didn't need any further explanation.

He couldn't get his truck close enough to the pole, so he called another truck to come and he left. When the other truck full of power company men got here they went right to work. They climbed up the pole with those spike-things they have on their boots. Two of them at a time on that pole and one on the ground. They got it fixed -- we were only without power for 2 1/2 hours.

I went outside to tell them thank you, and found the truck alongside the driveway, sitting quietly. "Hey," I said, "I just wanted to say thank you... we have power now."

"I know that," he said. (Well of course he knew, he's the one who fixed it.) "But we can't go anywhere. Flat tire."

Yes indeed, that huge blue and white had a flat tire and sat right there for another Idon'tevenknowhowlong until the another truck -- the tire people -- came and helped them out.

Couple hours, I'm guessing?

Fun day.

Sugarbush time

2010-03-10T11:27:00.008-05:00

The weather is changing. It feels good to see winter wane. After being cooped up all winter, I felt we could use a change of pace, so yesterday we went to the Nature Center,
then out to lunch, and after that, to the library.

It was a good day.

We saw the animal hospital, where wild animals are rescued and their injuries treated. Once healed, they are returned to the wild if at all possible. If not, they stay here.
There are several types of owls here. Very interesting.

There are also turtles. Big sis got right down there to see them.

After that we walked along the trail to the sugar shack. Sunshine and temps in the low 40s have melted a lot of the snow, but there is a narrow strip of it right in the shadow of the fence.

In the sugar shack, we watched the maple sap being boiled down into syrup. We lstened to explanations of hygrometers and fires, how to stoke them so the newly made syrup won't burn as you draw it off.

Outdoors, there's the "Pioneer Sugar Camp".

It shows the old way of gathering the sap...

and cooking it down into maple syrup.

We also saw falcons, hawks, and a bobcat, each in its own large enclosure there.
We saw and heard lots of other birds, singing the songs of early spring.

Here's a cool looking sculpture with my offspring behind it

At the little general store, we bought spiles for tapping our own maples, and pixie sticks. My kids thought I was crazy to buy them a treat like this. They are used to my telling them how important it is to eat healthy. But this was a fun day and I wanted them to enjoy it.

We did enjoy it. It was great.

We even saw a heart shaped log. Kind of reminded me that love pops up in the most surprising places sometimes. I love my my kids a lot. Spending time doing fun things together like this celebrates that love and gives us all chance to enjoy each other's company. It makes love grow.

See how the light shines through this heart log? Isn't that what love is all about?
It's letting the light shine through us onto others.

fun day...good day

time for thanks ...

2010-03-01T04:43:00.002-05:00

What a crazy full week, with full schedules and full heart, and head full of things to figure out, and feeling full-up-to-here! NOT the kind of week I prefer, that's for sure!! We finished the week with two concerts at different places, different styles... now that was good. Music is good for a weary soul, don't you think? And now... as I begin another week, I want to take a minute to be thankful. Gratitude pretty much cures what ails ya. God is good to me, always. Always. And if I am willing to see it, there are fun things, pretty things, silly things -- things that make me smile -- everywhere. OH, but sometimes I am so exhausted, it is too much work. That is the time it takes some effort, but choosing joy is wise and good and right. So here we go... some favorite things in no particular order...

~~~~~~

289. dark brown, shiny bald heads

290. people dressed in their very best. or in jeans.

291. multi-colored light show on the walls

292. a good concert

293. leather coats

294. going someplace fun with the family

295. dry roads, so much easier to drive

296. the hat matching the coat, sort of

297. symphony concerts

298. friends who help out when you need them to

299. love

300. having a secret snack stashed in the purse for indulging myself when I need it

301. bargains at the thrift store for both of the kids

302. being warm enough in the winter

303. gluten free brownie mix

304. coming to the end of a way too full week, finally!

305. feeling successful, or better...knowing you are successful even when you do not feel like it.

(when life is full I don't write much. do you? I just deal with stuff first. maybe afterwards then I can. but anyway, have a good week, everyone.)

warm and comfy

2010-02-17T02:14:00.002-05:00

Oh! I forgot to tell you... the new furnace is in, and we are warm. It is way more efficient than the dead furnace was, and it is also noisier. We don't mind, though... it is so good to be warm enough. Going without allowed us an opportunity to grow our appreciative skills!

strange night noises

2010-02-03T17:47:00.007-05:00

Sleeping in Spare Oom last night, to be nearer the fire's warmth, I woke about 3am to a strange light. Through my open door (to let the warmth wander in more easily) I could see the basement light shining. The girls were sleeping down there, because that's the warmest place in the house right now, right in front of the woodstove. Knowing they were fine, I rolled over to resume sleep. But what to my wondering ears should appear but the strangest middle of the night noise...sleepy brain took a minute to recognize it... it was the sound of paper ripping.

Repeatedly.

Long strips of paper.

I waited. Silence would come soon and I would sleep.

Then Ka-THUNK!! Long pause.....Ka-THUNK!!...

WHAT?? Sleepy brain is waking up fast now!

THUNK!!

...pause...

THUNK!!

Now I have to go check it out. I have no idea what could be making such a racket. Creeping out of bed to head down the stairs, I find the girls up in the middle of the night. One has the ax held high and then down it comes...THUNK!!... They are splitting wood to stoke the fire!! Splitting wood at 3 am! Do you HEAR this??

THUNK!!

I am sure Pa Ingalls never did it this way.

He slept at night and stoked the fire in the morning.

Our furnace quit, and we've been keeping the woodstove going during the days to take the chill off. The basement stays about 80 degrees, the main level about 63 and the upstairs, where the bedrooms are, is about 52. This is something of an accomplishment when the outdoor temp is only in the twenties.

We adapt. We wear layers. We let the sun shine in when we can. We bake more. But no matter what we do, it gets cold at night. It's 14 degrees outside right now, and it gets below 60 in the living room as the fire dies. We don't sleep in those 52 degree bedrooms; we find warmer places in the house to hunker down with our heated rice packs. If Laura Ingalls can do this, so can we!

The girls who were sleeping in front of the fire last night woke up when the fire got cold. So they got up, split a few logs, ripped up some kindling, stoked the fire, then went back to sleep. I just pull the blankets up and snuggle in deeper. They impress me with their strength and determination.

I think we might be sleeping light, all of us, in the cold, because we all feel tired during the day. We aren't getting a lot done these days, either. Keeping the fire going and finding ways to stay warm takes enough time and attention that other things, I'm afraid, get left for later. Apparently, a modicum of comfort does increase efficiency.

The new furnace is scheduled to be installed Thursday and Friday of this week. We should be warm by the weekend, and I think we will all be more appreciative of warmth when we get it back.

delights of daily life, a winter version

2010-02-01T08:45:00.005-05:00

269. the quiet glow of pale blue snowscape under brightest moon, in cloudless sky

270. full moon rising huge

271. air so cold it feels crispy

272. crunchy footprints happening right under my feet

273. NOT getting stuck on the driveway-hill!

274. fireplaces, woodstoves, and the glowing orange they carry, blazing warmth right into our bodies

275. working in the kitchen with my children: making supper of hot soup, watching them create their own delicious recipes, or baking banana nut bread all together

276. roasting marshmallows in the toaster, on top of graham crackers, with a sliver of chocolate buried inside

278. the blackness of the night sky alongside a very full moon

279. stars twinkling

280. mysteries yet to be understood

281. warm sweaters

282. red

283. digital cameras

284. blogging

285. my new laptop, which I love not only for its beautiful white glossy coat,

285. but also for the way it helps me keep in contact with friends

and write papers for class.

286. the botanical gardens, especially in winter,
when warmth and green life is nowhere to be found outside,
but lush and abundant inside, and the air is moist and feels good to breathe.

287. pandora.com, where I get to choose my music.

288. Knowing that, even though the furnace doesn't work right now, I am still ok, and we are not going to freeze...what a great thing to be thankful for. Not everyone has this assurance. Some people are very cold right now and have nowhere to go.

midwinter at the gardens

2010-01-29T17:44:00.008-05:00

Went to the gardens today.

It was great to hang out with a friend, have lunch, see the beauty of tropical plants

and feel warm breezes.

Warm Breezes.

mmmm..... nice.

I'm thinking about moving to the tropics now.

things I'm thankful for today

2010-01-26T12:04:00.011-05:00

241. a well made cup of tea

242. curling up with a book

243. deer on our land

244. pockets (clothes without pockets make it hard to keep track of things)

245. victory

246. learning to love when it's hard

247. friends you can call when you need to

248. encouraging someone else only to find that I myself feel so much better afterwards... focusing on others helps me!

249. nuts in the shell, and getting them out

250. agave nectar and its many uses

251. looking at myself and feeling, "Oh, there you are!"

252. laughing with my children

253. apologies received

254. fresh snow over the old and dirty...so much prettier now

255. watching a new house going up, imagining how the new family will enjoy it

256. bluebirds in my yard - in January!

257. the crows coming back

258. snippets of birdsong on warmish winter days

259. snow angels sparkling in the night, telling stories of fun

260. trickling creeklets

261. walks

262. new shoes

Dirty Snow

2010-01-23T00:38:00.001-05:00

The snow is old and dirty. We need a new layer to freshen things up. Old snow gets black around the edges where the dirt from the road gets kicked up onto it. It looks like the end of winter when snows come less often and winter looks bleak and worn out. It's misleading. This is January. Mid-winter. This is the month when blizzards come and rescue us from the world and its schedules. It's the time for firesides and cocoa and family, hot soup and coziness. It's not time for dirty snow melting into mud and making us wish for warmth. Not yet.

I want some fresh snow. Winter needs a good cleaning.

January 20

2010-01-20T22:45:00.002-05:00

Well, it is the 20th of January. I guess maybe I could take down the Christmas things. Maybe this weekend. I probably would have taken things down last weekend but it got busy. Oddly, and suddenly, the calendar is begining to fill right up. I hate that, but maybe it's good... sitting in the house on winter days leads to cabin fever, and noone likes that.

Veggier and Veggier

2010-01-15T20:24:00.001-05:00

I have been learning to cook with more veggies, less meat. At first, it was hard, because I had to rethink so many things... I expected every meal to have a meat main dish and then a vegetable or two as sides. But with finances being what they are, and with health issues that came up in the family, I started doing things differently, and I learned that I do feel better when I eat less meat.

I learned that you don't HAVE to have one main dish as the star of the meal. You can have a bunch of different vegetable dishes, with some bread. A meal like this is nutritious and fills people up. It may look like all "side dishes", but it makes a good meal.

Also I learned that eating three different colors of plant foods (veggies, fruits, and grains) will give your body everything it needs to build a good quality protein. So I don't have to include a meat or meat substitute with every meal.

And I have learned about alternate sources of protein. I'm learning about tofu, which has very little flavor of its own and tastes like whatever you put with it. There are a ton of recipes for tofu online. I really like tofu with a curry sauce, but since I am the only curry fan in the house, I don't fix tofu that way very often. Sometimes I fry it up or brown it in the oven. Husband is not fond of tofu, so I limit my experimentation with it. I do like it, though. The other night I wanted something easy. I bought a can of Chinese Vegetables. Then I heated oil in the big black frying pan and browned some tofu with a little S&P, and some seasoning sauce (Bragg Liquid Amino). Added a few chopped veggies - whatever I had in the house: a little cauliflower, little broccoli, some green onion. And when those were cooked, I added the can of drained Chinese veggies. We served that over brown rice. It turned out very yummy. Well, most of us thought so, anyway.

I have learned about tvp, which works well in a lot of recipes where you might otherwise use ground meat, like in spaggetti sauce. Or you can use it along with ground beef to stretch the meat in things like sloppy joes.

But most of my meatless foods are just veggie dishes, with no "meat substitutes". We love home made soups, for example. Tomato soup is delicious, or bean, potato or lentil soup. Lentil soup is fast, delicious, and fills you up.

Good Night

2010-01-13T23:15:00.004-05:00

On days when it feels like work to just be... on those days, I love the moment at the very end when I let go my day, and enter my room, lavender walls waiting, and the little lamp next to the bed glowing softly. I change into my most comfortable clothes for sleeping, slip under the softest of blankets, and curl my Self around Words written to me by God Himself, the Creator of All. Whatever has worn me thin melts away as I absorb Truth...Truth of His love for me, His power over all things, His forgiveness.

And then I sleep.

Good night, dear friends... sleep well tonight, and know that you are loved.

Selling some land

2010-01-07T11:54:00.006-05:00

We are selling 12 acres today. I am losing part of my home, but I feel like part of my soul is being sold instead.

It's the right thing to do. I know it makes sense. We have owned this land for 30 years, lived on it for over 18. The kids have walked all over it, discovering nature and freedom. They've dug for treasure and found it in old broken vases and salt shakers from generations ago. They've caught frogs and snakes and fish and shared with me those wondrous delights. They've played in the creek in the hot summers, and skated on it in the coldest of winter. They've rescued baby mice and injured birds. And we have all watched deer, fox and rabbits run across our yard.

But the youngest is 13, and there are not so many nature walks being taken anymore. Those who dug for treasure have moved on to new adventures, and frankly, we don't NEED those 12 acres anymore. But I love them.

Emotions are oblivious to the facts sometimes. So while I can see that selling the land makes sense, still I wish to hang on to it.

I have struggled with the fact that I feel so deeply sad when that emotion seems to contradict common sense. I have been told that I should be happy.

But I have come to believe that, while I don't have to live by my emotions, I can live with them. I can let the sadness be where it is, knowing that it will pass. It will. I don't have to fix it, or try too hard to feel differently. I will do what I have to do, regardless how I feel. I will go to the meeting with Husband and sign those papers. But I don't have to pretend it's easy, or that I am not sad.

And if there are people who have a hard time with the way I feel, then I am sorry, but I am going to have to work through my feelings myself, and I can't also be working through theirs. I will try to be considerate and kind, but I can not carry the responsibility of making everyone feel better.

God has said that He will bring good out of every situation for those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) And Psalm 84:11 says, "No good thing will He withhold from them who walk uprightly." So I know that this is all going to turn out alright. My part is to "walk uprightly" -- in other words, to just keep on living with the goal of pleasing God. God's part is to work out everything else.

He will. He always does. I do know it will be ok... I will probably feel happier about this as it unfolds. But I am not there yet, and that's ok too.

We will still have three acres with the house. We'll still live in our house on the hill for awhile yet. We'll watch wildlife from the windows, and the kids will still catch creatures for as long as they want to. The people who will be our new neighbors seem very nice and have said that we may sled on the hill that will be theirs, and I'll bet the kids will still be able to go down to the creek on hot days if they want to. I will miss having it as our own. I really will. But I think it's going to be ok.

Hummus Recipe

2010-01-02T15:29:00.007-05:00

I figured out a recipe that makes really good hummus! I had made hummus before with a list of ingredients but no amounts, which required me to call in my taste-testers every time to help me determine the needed adjustments. But I think I got it figured out. I took some to a friend's house last night and they loved it as much as I did. So I think I'll share the recipe in case you all want to measure ingredients, too. It makes it so much easier!

Take one can 'banzo beans (chickpeas), mostly drained, and puree them in a food processor till smooth (according to your preference). Add one quarter cup EACH: olive oil, lemon juice (or juice of one lemon), and tahini (sesame paste). Puree 'til blended, scraping sides as needed. Mince three good sized cloves garlic into the hummus, and add salt and pepper to taste. Mix again. If it's too thick, you can add up to a quarter cup of water to make it the way you like it.

When you put this in a container, you can sprinkle a little oil and/or herbs on top to make it look good. I use dried parsley.

You can also vary this recipe by adding something delicious. Pesto hummus is good (add pesto to taste). Roasted red pepper hummus...

only takes a few pieces of canned red pepper to give it a good color and flavor, and I have also had hummus made of black beans in place of the garbanzo beans. It was good and had yet another different look.

Serve with pita chips, crackers, or fresh veggies for dipping.

Seriously... Yum!

For You, a Wish...

2010-01-01T05:48:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year, Friends!!

May the year bring you Joy. And if it is true that into every life some rain must fall, then may the rain that falls be that which nourishes you and nurtures your growth.

2009-12-23T20:28:00.002-05:00

Here is a little snippet of what Christmas is looking like at our house. We strung a few cranberries and a little bit of popcorn to hang on the tree... not a lot - I don't have that kind of patience - just a few little strands to make the tree look festive.

Christmas is coming!

2009-12-17T15:14:00.006-05:00

We have a really cute little tree up and shining!! Family is coming over this afternoon, and I wish one more person were here. Well, two. I miss the girl who is way out west. I bet she misses us too. But if she is where she should be then it's all good. I just miss her, that's all. She has such a sweet smile and her laugh is infectious. One other is unable to make it, too. I wish they could both be here today. I love making Christmas memories with people I love so deeply. And all those who are able to come will be coming this afternoon. There will be homemade chili and pita chips, and who knows what else we'll come up with? There will be presents to open and there will be laughter and love. This is going to be fun!

First snow!

2009-12-17T00:25:00.000-05:00

This was our first snowfall of the season! No cookie-dusting to prepare us... we got a major snowfall just a few days after Thanksgiving!! I like it! (pic: taken from the slider, December 4, 2009)

Thanksgiving Day

2009-11-26T10:02:00.007-05:00

10:00 am - Right now, Father, in the fullness of mid-morning, I thank you for this moment. The turkey is in the oven. Thank you for the anticipation of feast and looking forward to family members piling in the door, full of love and happiness. Right now, I take a moment to pause, praise, and give thanks. I take a moment to breathe. Inhale, exhale... and savor peace in the midst of busy preparations. Thank you, Lord. (And please be with my friend, please work out for her the details of her day after the flood at her house. Please bring her some peace, too.)

11:30 am - Pausing for another breath. and a snack. How is it that while fixing so much food, I can forget to eat!? Half the family is still in bed, sick. One 12 year old daughter and I are getting things done. Got the potatoes cooked, ready to reheat and mash when people come in the door. The house is getting some last minute straightening. Thank you, Father, for help for the flood at my friend's house. I hope she has a good holiday after all. Now, I have to start the bread. An hour to rise, another hour to bake... should come out about right. I love holidays like this. Thank you, God for holidays! Please be with those today who have not enough. May they see the bits of beauty in their own lives, in spite of everything, and may someone help to meet their needs today, please, Father. And Lord, if there is someone who you want me to help out, please show me who that is today. Thank you, Lord. I gotta go start that bread.

1:15 pm - I can't believe how nice the house looks! Even shorthanded, even with all the breaks we've taken, the rooms are all picked up and the food is getting ready. It is time to put the bread in the oven. The tablecloth is being ironed on the table; the house smells wonderful, and people are soon going to be here! I pause right now to slow my mind a minute, and savor it all. Breathe, self, breathe.

7:30 pm - The last people leave. What a great day! Everyone got here around 2 pm, and we ate about 3. Everyone helped. There was way more food than we needed. It was a feast, after all! Family together, laughing, talking, eating, cleaning up. Babies everywhere!

I missed having the bigger girls here, but they are at a friend's wedding this weekend. Oldest son is on a short vacation with his sweet wife. All's well. Everyone is having a good time wherever they are. But here - here at my house - we eat and everyone is full and happy. Tiny cousinlets play together, people make music, we laugh and talk, babies get hugged, toys get strewn. It's a happy time. By the time the last one leaves, the little one is way past time to sleep, but she will fall asleep very soon, and she has learned today a little more of what it means to feel loved and surrounded by family. It's been a good day.

Now... everyone has gone, and I have the whole house to myself. The dishes will wait for another day. I can just relax in the quietness.

Nice.

So much to be thankful for.

2009-11-23T10:13:00.005-05:00

222. I am thankful they are taking a plane rather than negotiating the roads at this unpredictable, blizzards-come-up-out-of-nowhere time of year.

223. I am thankful that God goes wherever they do, and that He lives in Colorado, too.

224. I am thankful that they will have the joy of attending a friend's wedding.

225. I am thankful that other offspring will be here for Thanksgiving Day.

226. I am thankful that somehow, everything will get done that really needs to get done here.

227. I am thankful that whatever does not get done really won't matter anyway.

228. I am thankful for friends who understand.

229. I am thankful that Husband and I are on the same page.

230. I am thankful for prayers.

231. I am thankful that she might come back soon after all. Maybe.

232. I am thankful that the whole bunch of us get to travel to Chicago on Tuesday, to see them off.

233. I am thankful for beauty wherever it is found.

234. I am thankful for other peoples' lists of thankfulnesses, because they jump start my own.

235. I am thankful for color. That the whole world is not made in black, white and grey.

236. I am thankful for sequins.

237. I am thankful for the giggling of ticklish toddlers.

238. I am thankful for baby laughs.

239. I am thankful for parents who are teaching their own children about right and wrong, and that it is better to do right.

240. I am thankful that I am able to be thankful. (no matter what)

Giving Thanks and Dancing in the Kitchen

2009-11-16T10:33:00.005-05:00

Here comes another week, ready or not. I am tired and would wish for a little bit more weekend... one more day of rest. But here we go, the new week coming in on a new day. I wake wondering how things will go today, wondering where the energy will come from. I have studying to do, assignments to finish for a class I'm taking, laundry and dishes stacked too high and waiting for attention. The house needs me to get busy, and the children need my help with their schoolwork. Before I even get out of bed, before my eyes even open, I know I need help. Still lying between warm, wrinkled sheets I pray, "Lord, please help me this day to do what You want me to do. Help me, please, to glorify You in all I do." It always surprises me how a prayer submitted to His will turns as the words form in my mind, change from being about what I wanted to being about what He desires. There is nothing I want more than to please Him, after all.

So I get out of bed by faith, trusting that He will direct my day, my strength, and that He will help me accomplish what He wants. I start on the huge kitchen mess alone, with some music to accompany me. The music makes me want to dance, just for fun, and it feels good. When was the last time I danced and felt this joy? When I take a break for Facebook, I find a dear daughter's list of thanks-giving. This is vital, I know, this giving of thanks regardless of how I am feeling. Facts matter more than feelings, and the fact is that I am blessed - we all are blessed - with more gifts than we will ever know.

And today, I am thankful for:

209. Hot water for washing those dishes and laundry.

210. A helpful family.

211. A new day.

212. A God who knows how it is.

213. Furnaces! to keep the house warm and cozy when it is cold outside.

214. Warmer than average days for this time of year.

215. Sunshine! Not typical for November.

216. The fact that I am loved by God whether I feel lovable or not.

217. The fact that He can use me whether I feel usable or not.

218. Comfy clothes to work in.

219. The class I am taking, even though it is hard work sometimes.

220. Music for dancing in the kitchen.

221. The thankfulness lists of others, which remind me to give thanks.

When I choose to give thanks, my perspective invariably changes. Dancing in the kitchen helps, too! Joy grows and displaces the negativity that was settled in.

It could be that hormones, lack of sunshine, stress or other things beyond my immediate control contribute to a gloomy outlook, an anticipation of failure... but dancing in the kitchen to the praise music on the radio, and putting my mind on giving thanks... those things lift my perspective and energize my soul for the day.

May your day, too, be filled with thanks and joy!

Go dance!

October?!

2009-10-17T08:56:00.008-04:00

They tell me it's October. Wait. Really? What happened to summer?

Sure enough - I practically missed September, and now the leaves are turning beautiful colors, and I am still trying to let go of August!! Ha! It's time to catch up to reality!

So - summer was cooler than average and everyone here feels we got shortchanged in that department, but we are all willing to let bygones be and move on. Sure we are. The colors here are turning gorgeous shades of autumn - I still have trouble saying that word - and we seem to have raced right past sweater weather straight into, "Put your coat on, girl, you're gonna catch your death!!" Or it feels like it. NO, I don't see my breath on the air yet, but all the tomato plants have frozen.

I brought in close to 40 green ones the night of the freeze. Some had already gotten nipped but I still have 20 something on the counter, waiting to see if they ripen or if I fry them up still green. Yum, fried green tomatoes. Rare treat that I eat while the fam looks on, mostly.

So - September brought changes. Yes, the cold. But also we might have a buyer for the land. If everything works out, our beautiful land - 12 acres of it - may have a new owner by the end of the month.

And I have started a new study in a field that has interested me for years. I'll let you know how that goes. So far, I've completed the first module, and am looking at the second one feeling a little intimidated.

I am also trying out contact lenses Well, one. Yes, really. Because I don't need correction for up close, only for far, so I get one contact lens to use in one eye, to see far. I don't know if I am going to be able to adjust to that. We are still in the trial period. My brain has to figure out how to interpret the signals coming from two different eyes seeing differently. It needs to figure out that for close things, pay attention to the right, but for far things, pay attention to the left. Weird, huh? We'll see how it goes.

PS - Highs in the 40s today. See what I mean? Cold.

three little gifts

2009-08-29T09:19:00.005-04:00

184. The sound of scissors through thick wrapping paper, almost growling, making a straight line in preparation for gifting

185. Apple orchards heavy with sweet ripeness

186. Peaches for supper

Twizzlers

2009-08-25T21:55:00.004-04:00

He sits on the bed beside me, with rainbow-colored candy. I thought I would take a nap, but here he is, coming to sit by me while he eats the candy I bought for him while I was out this morning, to let him know I love him.

We talk about Twizzlers.

How I like the black, he likes the red.

And how these rainbow-colored ones are softer than those.

We laugh together about my hormonal outburst this morning, the one where I rivaled Niagra...the one that led me to buy him candy to make up for it.

No one talks about life or death. Or bills, or money. Or real estate. Or what-are-we-gonna-do.

It doesn't matter.

We have now. We have: half-a-nap, some rainbow-colored Twizzlers, and us.

We have us.

Perfect.

Sometimes love fits so comfortably, so easily, that you hardly notice it's there.

Joie de vivre?

2009-08-14T11:30:00.009-04:00

My "Joie" is getting lost and tangled in my"de Vivre"...

Yesterday life began to catch up to me, and I was all set, counting my griefs, to have a bad day. I really was! Woke up feeling kind of down to begin, and then I remembered that I had lost my good camera. Stolen, along with my purse, on Monday. I really liked that camera. It helps me capture the little beauty-moments that I find everywhere, helps me not to overlook them. It was a gift from Husband.

So - no camera. No purse. All the little trinkets that I don't need but always have with me "just in case"... gone. (Except the cards. Thankfully, the cards were returned right away.)

And then I realized I would have to adjust my errand running this day, since we are down to one car. Dead Buick. Now there's an inconvenient truth.

Awe, man... no purse, camera gone, dead Buick...

And the lawn mower died, too. The grass is getting mighty long while we try to find something used and usable.

The dryer doesn't work either. yeah...

And then my sweet daughter lost her job that morning!!

So I was beginning to think I had plenty of reason to wallow in frustration and sadness. Then I heard someone else's story. Someone with real problems. And I was a little embarrassed.

I started remembering that is is much better to think on things that are "good, true, beautiful, worthy of praise..."

I remembered it really is better to see the beauty all around and be thankful, and how could I do that when I was so focused on the junk? So I decided to change. I decided to give myself a chance to list all the troubles one last time, grieve for a few minutes, acknowledge the sadness, and then start thinking thankfulness and other good things.

But I was in a slump. It was hard work to think positively. I was surprised what a job it could be to change my thinking. I knew I could use a boost: I went to the coffee house and got an iced chai AND a chocolate no-bake cookie. (This was a serious, 2-treat slump!) That helped me start feeling better and gave me some energy.

And then I thought, "I will begin my litany of thanks on the very things that I am having so much trouble with today, the things that are making me unhappy! There must be things right there that I can choose to be thankful for if I try." And I did. And I surprised myself! Watch this...

The Buick is dead: I am thankful that only one car is dead. I'm thankful that we have another car that works and is reliable, that husband works third shift right now, making our schedule fairly well-suited to using one car, at least for awhile. I am thankful that there are very low cost cars out there and that we can keep an eye out for one, but not feel a need to hurry into a purchase that might endanger our financial situation. (184 - 187)

The dryer doesn't work: I am so glad this happened in the summer. I love being out in the sunshine! I am glad that it didn't completely die but only (I think) needs maybe a heating element. I am thankful for that dryer in the first place, because it was a gift from a friend who no longer needed it!! I am thankful that there are other free or nearly free dryers out there once in awhile if we need to get another one. I am thankful for friends who share. (189 - 194)

The car was broken into: I am thankful no damage was done to the car. I am thankful (grudgingly, but still...) for the lesson to LOCK the car when you leave it, for crying out loud, and DON'T leave valuables in it unlocked and wide open when you do not know the neighborhood!! (195 - 196)

Stolen purse: I am thankful that all the credit cards, etc. were returned so quickly, never having been used. One person stole the things. Two people returned my cards, which were in two separate cases. I love knowing that there are a lot of good, decent people out there. In this case, by a ration of two to one over the not so decent! I am thankful that not much cash was taken. I am thankful that I was already considering replacing that purse when it was taken, as it was old and about ready to go. I am thankful for friends who helped me contact the police, search the bushes, and stay calm. I m thankful for the friend who prayed with me and taught me how to pray for those we might call our"enemies." It was beautiful, how she prayed for that person's needs to be met. We can be angry at wrong, yet still care about the one doing the wrong! (I am thankful that now I have a really good excuse for buying a new purse!!) (197 - 204)

Camera: I am sad about this. I am thankful that there were no really rare, precious pictures on that memory card when I lost it. I am thankful that I was about to replace that old memory card but hadn't bought a new one yet before it was stolen. (205 - 206)

Sweet daughter's job: I am sorry she lost her job, but thankful for this evidence that God is working uniquely in her life. I am so sad that she wants to move to a far away state where her friends are. She would be too far away for us to even visit, I'm afraid. I could never go out for coffee or shopping with her, or to the beach. I want the best for her, of course, but I would miss her terribly. Watching her ask questions and respond thoughtfully to our questions is encouraging. I am thankful for this. And seeing this unexpected drastic event in her life suggests to me that God has His own way of working in her life. I am sure he will do better than I could. (207 - 208)

It was hard at first to think of things to be thankful for in the middle of these crummy situations. But I'm glad I did because 1) it is the right thing to do. And 2) It did help me feel better and gain a better perspective.

Choosing Joy

2009-08-03T10:06:00.006-04:00

It's raining. And cold. And frankly I would like to complain... I'd rather have more warmth, more summer, and some sunshine, thankyouverymuch... but whining won't help.

It is a good time to give thanks. When we least feel like it, giving thanks can help adjust our mind's perspective. Lifting my mind lifts my spirit; helps me get my mind onto a better, more productive path. Otherwise, if I follow the avenue of Whine and Complain, I find myself on a slippery road and I am bound to trip up, slip-sliding into an ugly mess. I can just see me there on the side of the path covered in mud and scratches, wallowing in even more self-pity. I've been there.

Today I choose thanksgiving.

162. Falling asleep to the sound of the rain singing a lullaby outside my bedroom window, as it dances it's own old soft-shoe on the porch roof.

163. Diversity in friendships! How huge a blessing to know people of different faiths, practices, personalities, and views... I learn from them. I love these friends. They enrich me immensely.

164. Maps! Seriously!

165. Panera Coffee, first thing in the morning. Smooth, hot, a little sweet.

166. "Hallelujah anyhow" days. You know, like this one... when you just say Hallelujah anyhow.

167. Opportunities to keep on growing.

168. Not knowing what is coming next. I do not find this one bit comfortable. But I am thanking God for it anyway because He knows what is going on, He cares what happens to me, and I trust Him.

169. Knowing for sure.

170. Seeing a child choose to do the right thing

171. Colors. All of them, everywhere!

172. God's Word - Dependable Truth that fits life.

173. Dresses on hot days. Especially sundresses.

174. Friends getting to start a new adventure! Wow, moving to Alaska to start a new job! That is not your ordinary retirement!

175. Watching the clouds break up outside.

176. Seeing the clouds break up inside myself.

177. The rainbow shine on the back of the cd.

178. Rainbows in parking lots because oil and water don't mix, but when they try, it looks kind of cool.

179. Curly heads

180. Sneaking out for breakfast, or coffee, all alone before the rest of the house is up.

180. Sneaking out for breakfast with husband. :-)

181. Giant, red and white table umbrellas caught by the wind, running off with people running after them!

182. Girl feeling better.

183. Birthday email clubs... lots of freebies coming my way this month!! Fun!

See there... I am feeling better already. Please share your thanksgivings

too, won't you... I'd love to hear them!

Thanks.

PS - And thanks to Anne Voskamp, who reminded me. May your day be full of joy, Anne!

Willow has this quote where I see it often, right down there on the right side of her blog...

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~~ Melody Beattie

What can I say? It really does do all that. Thanks, Willow.

The Clothesline and its Pleasures

2009-07-25T07:54:00.004-04:00

The dryer has quit. This dryer was a gift from friends when our previous dryer quit some time ago. It had been sitting unused in their basement and they were generous enough to give it to us when we needed one. We have gotten a lot of use out of it... but it isn't working right now. Actually, I think it just needs a heating element. Maybe we can replace that when the weather turns cool.

For right now we are hanging things out on the line! I love it! It feels so good in the mornings to go out and hang clothes, the warm sun shining on the backs of my shoulders. I get tan and the laundry gets done at the same time!

This week has been rainy, and that changes our laundry plans considerably. On Monday, we washed all the dirty laundry in the house, knowing it was the last day we'd be able to hang clothes out for a while. Then we took a laundry hiatus for four days. Today looks sunnier, so hopefully we can get more done. One load from earlier in the week was overlooked and has been hiding out in the washer for several days. I re-laudered it last night when I discovered it, and hope to get it out on the line today, along with whatever else needs washing. The whole laundry room has been collecting things and is going to need a straightening as we work today.

Hanging clothes on the line is one job here that I really enjoy. Besides the sun, I feel the breezes, and listen to the birds, which are everywhere around me. Sometimes they perch on the TV antenna up onthe roof and sing while I work on laundry. It's great!

The Fourth!

2009-07-05T00:23:00.007-04:00

We had such a good day celebrating the fourth!

We did what we usually do on this holiday...

In the morning, we went to the parade. There is something fun about a small town parade that you don't get at the bigger ones. You probably know someone in the parade, and even if you don't the person next to you does. It's probably your neighbor.

There were fire trucks with screaming sirens, and cute little faces waving out the windows.

There were children everywhere dressed in the colors of our flag, looking sweet and festive, running and collecting candies thrown out from the parade.

Some even brought bags for collecting!

And there were the fifes and drums! This little girl took her job as sign-carrier very seriously.

She was so cute!

There were the sounds of the parade:

loud sirens blasting our eardrums; a local blue-grass band; the fifes and drums;

horse hooves clopping; chattering conversations.

And there were the smells:

Something sweet like candy, fresh horse dung,

heavy exhaust fumes from antique cars, and coffee.

When the parade was done, we went to the Arts and Crafts fair. It is very cool that the Township pays for all this fun stuff for us to enjoy on the Fourth! Wow!

Sweet Girl tried the Bungee bounce and loved it!! Being not yet full sized, she got stuck hanging there once and we were laughing so hard, all four of us telling her what to do -- full of advice, and yet not one of us moving to help the girl! (We didn't know if it was OK or if only the "qualified professionals" were allowed to help her.) It was really funny, and she was smiling the whole time.

She did some flips forward and backward and I was pretty impressed! It was her first time.

We got airbrush tattoos (she: a sunshine on her arm, me: a butterfly on the back of my shoulder) and we tried some spin art.

Even the dogs were dressed up for the day!

In the afternoon, we had a cookout at our house....

Family and friends (my son wore his colonial clothes),

Grandgirls here...

and Grandgirls there

Precious Grandgirls everywhere!

All dressed in Red, White and Blue.

Watermelon...

And water balloons...

Bocce ball and horse shoes... good times, good neighbors, friends and people we love.

One good day.

I was so tired at the end of it... didn't know if I'd be able to stay awake at church the next day!

But I did.

What a great day. I love celebrating the Fourth here!

Over at Kathy's Place

Christmas Time!

Pearl Harbor Day

just thankful

November day

Tortilla soup non-recipe

perfect fall morning

What a gorgeous morning! The sun glows in the mist as the dew rises, and the trees, colors deepened by the day's early shadows, look more lush than thy ought to be for this time of year.

The thing to do on a morning like this is stand in the open doorway with a cup of hot coffee, breathe it all in, and just be thankful.

Perfect!

Sunday dinner

joys and thank yous

embracing this wildness

Retro Metro Cruise

working at sunshine

this moment

What a great day!

Busy days, Full Week

Sometimes the day gets turned up on its head.You kind of wish you could have stayed in bed.But you know you've got to do it,And somehow you do get through itThough by the end of day you feel half dead.(klm)

This week has been very busy, and I haven't gotten to see my kids as much as I would have liked. They were busy. I was busy. We weren't home much. And the days got turned upside down one after another. Every day turned out to be good - as it was supposed to be... but I am ready for a day of normal.

One good day

Around my place

better than roses

white morning

Trying for Spring

the next great adventure

roots of she: Video : How to be Alone

midwifery gathering

another one bites the dust

trip out west

Christmas: Round 2

The Christmas List

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." (John 14.27 NLT)

Windy day in Cheyenne

Wrapping Gifts With my Kids on the first Snowy Day of the Season.

Where I've Been

My Thanksgiving list so far...

hot tea and apple butter

Noone Knew

the smell of winter

Pleasures

all piled up

Utterly loved

evidence that I am loved

What I learned from the Smoking Poet

good things

The Turquoise Room

new joys. constantly.

random beauty

long day, short poem

Random Pleasures

What I've been working on today

Birthday Happiness

Right Here

By the Campfire

Camping

Solace and jazz

Weary, but usable

Bird Accomplishment!

August Pleasures

Rainy morning pleasures

Day at the Zoo

more favorites, with thanksgiving!

Wisdom

halfway through summer

a few of my favorite things

100th post!

Visit to the Gardens

Rainy Day On the Porch

bits of joy

a haiku

Random Snippets

rain, and we return to normal scheduling

this perfect night

more thanks

Singing Anyway

Day After Mother's Day

the mailbox, the deer, and the car

Spring Rain

Sugarbush time

Sometimes the day gets turned up on its head.
You kind of wish you could have stayed in bed.
But you know you've got to do it,
And somehow you do get through it
Though by the end of day you feel half dead.
(klm)