autumn follows summer

Summer was crazy.  Seriously. 

We rarely travel.  But...

May: trip to Miami for Son's graduation with a degree

June: Gone for a week to convention with husband

July: family reunion on the Fourth

August:  
     1) Daughter went on her first mission trip, a big deal!  -- 
     2) trip to Wyoming to take a son to school for his first year -- 
                                         and when we got back home, 
     3) we went camping for a week and a half at the beach! Just what I needed!! Great time! Perfect birthday gift!

September, I was expecting to settle into a routine, but was feeling overwhelmed. The house needed a lot of catch up from being gone most of August.  Then the well pump went out and needed to be replaced.  Dishes and laundry piled up even more.

One of the Out West daughters got sick. We kept in close touch by phone and facebook, until she finally decided she needed to come home and see a doc who really knew her. It's been good. She is mending. Her plane back home leaves this weekend, and I'm a little anxious that she will be ok once she is back at her own place, looking after her own needs. It's a lot easier when you have nothing to do but sleep and eat what is made for you. 

The furnace went out the day she came home.  Of course it did.  Because life piles up sometimes. between the new well pump and the new furnace, we are going to have to reconfigure some finances. Not sure how that will all work, but such is life, right?!

Also, a dear cousin died very suddenly in an accident on the highway.  It was a real shock, and I was so deeply sad for a while. I will miss him, that's for sure! I am so glad for the rest of the cousins, who have all come together for each other is a wonderful way. 

So -- life piles up. I have been swamped in a pile of life! 

but in it all, I have been thankful for these gifts:

546.  time at the beach to be still after a lot of going

547.  a school for my son that seems a good fit for him

548.  seeing my offspring content in the lives they have chosen

549.  birthday cake made just for me by someone who loves me!

550.  family

551.  cousin care by phone

552.  being able to laugh at the pile that overwhelms. not always, but when i step back and look, how can I not?  

553.  truly amazing autumn colors, deeper and more vibrant than other years.  such incredible beauty!!


So, as the leaves blaze, and the air gets crisp, and daughter goes back to her own place, I will still expect, at some point, to find that routine that keeps being postponed.  We shall see. Life is for living, and if things come up, I will respond in whatever way seems best.  Maybe  having a routine is nothing more than a pipe dream for me. Life is rich and can't be put into tidy boxes.  Not this life, anyway!  Still, even if it's only a dream, I'll enjoy dreaming of the day when I have it all together.  :-)

Husband's birthday

Well, today is Husband's birthday, and I didn't know what to get him.  He probably already has all the things he really wants. Besides, I was not feeling real well this past week and didn't have energy for shopping.

But I had a thought. I suggested we all go out to lunch a RedRobin today after church. He loved it! We invited the in town family, and there were 11 of us. half of them were under 5, which of course makes everything more fun. His mom came too, and that was a fun surprise for him.

I think going out to lunch at Red Robin with his kids and grand littles was the best birthday he could have wished for. Yay for fun family times!!

Christmas Time!

I am really enjoying this Christmas season! I hope you are too. In other years, the holidays have worn me down to the point that it was hard to even feel the joy and peace. It was hard to be worshipful. It was hard to move through my days, even! I was exhausted!

I am not a person who can bake a variety of cookies, and pies, think of beautiful, inexpensive gifts for everyone I know, shop without dropping, send dozens of cards (on time), keep my home company-ready at all times, and plan a wonderful Christmas dinner. Frankly, I don't believe anyone does all that.

How many times over the years have I heard the question, "Do you have your Christmas shopping done yet?" And felt little nag of guilt or inferiority because no, I didn't have it done? In fact I wasn't sure when it was ever going to be done because there always seemed to be one more thing that I needed... or else I would find one more thing that would make the holiday even better, it seemed. And by the way - does shopping for Christmas dinner groceries count as Christmas shopping? What are the rules for this question, anyway?

Here's the thing. That whole concept of getting your shopping done? It's a fantasy! It never happens! In our society, with constant advertising, you will always think of one more thing to buy. Or six. If you were to actually get gifts for everyone, then there are always more people who you can shop for, more decorations to buy, more food, and on it goes.

No one can do everything. We have to make choices. One year I might make a nice dinner, and another year, I might send out a family newsletter. I don't hand make gifts. I buy them. I don't send out cards every year, only when I have the time and energy. Yesterday I addressed about 6 cards. Just 6. Not 50, or 60, or 100. Just six. They might get into the mailbox today. Maybe. We'll see. I just cannot allow the demands of the season to stress away the joy of it. I hope I love on people the rest of the year. If they don't get a card I hope they know I still care, I just can not cover everything that I would like to. This year it mattered to me to bake cookies, which I never do... It's been so much fun!!

I spent an afternoon baking with my daughter. We had good times. Then later, I decorated a few at a time. And we shared them. That was fun. It gave me a chance to get creative. So far, the holidays have been so much fun this year! And yes I am tired and some things are not gettiing done... but I am having a good time and not forgetting what the season is really about:

Worship. Family. Love. Joy. and Peace. (Remember peace?)

I wish you all of these things today. And the restful moments in which to savor them.

November day

November is like this sometimes.

Cold, gray, and wet. The leaves are stuck to the ground in the rain, looking discouraged, as if they're too tired to run around, have no energy to fly with the wind.

Maybe it's a good thing that Thanksgiving comes in November. We need it about now. We need to find gratefulness on these days of darkness and soggy, tired leaves. Or we'll turn dark and cold ourselves.

On this day of dark and wet and cold, I am especially thankful for soft slipper-socks hot out of the the dryer, a very tall mug of hot rooibos tea, a big red sweater, and candles. Thankful for work to do in order to get warm and keep my mind off the sad-looking day, and friends that I will see tonight.

It's a great day for coziness and a slower pace.


(joys and thank yous #531 - 536)

perfect fall morning

What a gorgeous morning! The sun glows in the mist as the dew rises, and the trees, colors deepened by the day's early shadows, look more lush than thy ought to be for this time of year.

The thing to do on a morning like this is stand in the open doorway with a cup of hot coffee, breathe it all in, and just be thankful.

Perfect!

~~joys and thank yous~~

528. sun shining on dew-mist, making it glow
529. October's leaves dressed in autumn's colors
530. moments for standing half in, half out, relishing the warmth and the cool,
the beauty and the comfort.

Sunday dinner

~

Hot, steaming gravy runs all over the mound of potatoes, over and around the tender chicken... And I'm thinking this is just the thing on this damp, cold day that scowls sharp with ragged clouds and can't decide whether to actually rain or just make threats.

Crock pots are a gift to cold people with not enough energy to make a meal after sitting in a chilly classroom half the morning. The hot food warms me from inside and feels like comfort. It's the perfect meal for before a nap. And a nap is just the thing for a cold Sunday afternoon.

( so today, right this minute, I am thankful for...)

521. crock pots making meals while I'm away
522. easy gravy = mushroom soup poured over the meat and thickened as needed later
523. Hot food when I'm cold, warming me up from the inside
524. Restful Sundays
525. worship time
526. family time
527. nap time

~

embracing this wildness

Today, Daughter has a broken tooth that must be remedied immediately. She's in considerable pain. She has hardly eaten or drunk anything in 36 hours (except for a smoothie last night), has a headache, and is very hungry and thirsty. On top of this, she woke up this morning with allergies bothering her and giving her a sore throat! She must feel terrible! This is the girl with a huge national registry exam later this week and who is also moving 2000 miles away in two and a half weeks... so there is a lot going on for her. We need to get this tooth taken care of so she can do the next thing.

Life piles up sometimes... and I guess hers is.

We will get her to the dentist and it will be better. We will figure out a way to pay for it even though there is no insurance. She will do great on her exam even though she will worry herself to a frenzy, and she will get moved on time.

A friend posted today that we need the wild places, the untamed places, the unsolved mysteries. Even in the middle of Our Town, right downtown, there are places yet not cultivated, places where the trees and weeds grow and the poison ivy creeps bright red up the trunks. There is beauty in the untamed, the unexplored, the unknown.

Life is like that too. As much as I wish to get it all figured out, tame my schedule, and understand everything...weeds and tangles appear. Teeth break and pain shoots right through the place in life where I thought it was all cultivated and smooth. Schedules change and unknowns pop up. Maybe that's ok. Maybe it's ok to do what you can and then let the rest be. Maybe the unknowns and unexpecteds of life are the wild places that we need more than we know. Maybe I need to do what I can to make things right, and then just embrace the rest in all its messy glory. Maybe I need to be more thankful for the uncultivated places in life, the unknown and unplanned, the unsolved mysteries, the "don't knows".





(ps - if you want to read my friend's post about the value of he wild places, go here:
http://studiobeerhorst.squarespace.com/journal/2011/10/10/into-the-wild.html?lastPage=true#comment15279492)

this moment

cicadas and the sound of a mourning dove...

iced tea and a book out on the porch...

this is what summer afternoons are made of.

(joys and thank yous #502 and #503)


(I'm going. Right now. I can't bear to miss this moment.)

What a great day!

The sky closed the day in a bright orangepink with royal blue around the edges. Fitting beauty for such a day as this.

It was a day filled with unusual joys. I savoured a slow, four hour breakfast out with a friend this morning, where we discussed ideas and ideologies and ate healthy, delicious food. It is a rare thing to enjoy an intellectual conversation with someone. It's rare for anyone to have four hours to spend on a meal and conversation. It was a real treat to mind, body and soul. Jen and I have radically different views on a lot of things, yet we can always discuss ideas without the conversation getting tense or heated. What a rare blessing! I'm glad to have friends like that. I disagree with her, but I respect her.

In the afternoon, another friend and I went and got pedicures. Tremendously fun! This is a friend with whom I can be totally honest and know she will hear me without judgement. She has a great sense of humor and we can laugh about things that would not be funny in other conversations. I think she is un-offendable. She knows sides of me noone else does -- things I myself did not even know were there before I spent time with her. She is another rare blessing in my life, a friend I trust with my truest, most real self. I know I grow as a person when I am hanging out with her.

Tonight, I went to a movie with my two kids. The ones who still live at home. We had a great time, and even got those fat juicy movie hot dogs for supper! We laughed together at the movie and enjoyed the time together. We have been extra busy the last couple weeks, each doing good, fun things, but not together. It was good to spend some fun time together tonight.

So the whole day has been one pleasure after another, with people who add significantly to my life. I am blessed.

And then a beautiful sunset.

Pretty nice!

I have a lot to be thankful for tonight.

This is perfect, for my birthday month!

(ps - I also got to dance with an adorable two year old today. Princess in pink, simply the sweetest thing! We danced in her living room, she with twirls and fluff, me just doing what I do. Such great fun!! I will add that delightful moment to my list of birthday celebrations so far this month!)

Busy days, Full Week

Sometimes the day gets turned up on its head.
You kind of wish you could have stayed in bed.
But you know you've got to do it,
And somehow you do get through it
Though by the end of day you feel half dead.
(klm)

This week has been very busy, and I haven't gotten to see my kids as much as I would have liked. They were busy. I was busy. We weren't home much. And the days got turned upside down one after another. Every day turned out to be good - as it was supposed to be... but I am ready for a day of normal.

Today is not, however, going to be that day! I will be out of town half the day - the middle half. It will be a good day. It is a good class and I want to be there. It will be good for me. But I do miss my kids and I hope I get to slow down and hang out with them later today. Life is good. We all need down time. But however this day turns out, I expect to live it fully and enjoy the moments. I just really want some of those moments to be with the kids I didn't get to see much this week. We'll see! :-)

Around my place

Lilacs, mayapples, and apple blossoms, oh, my! All the world is green again - so many different shades of green. The air is moist and alive again. Birdsong and sweet scents waft on the breezes. This is the best time of the year.

white morning

My one little daffodil is hanging its head. It looks weary. I think it's discouraged. It tried to bring in spring. It looked so bright and cheery last week, standing all alone alongside the wall. So sunny. Making it clear that spring is here for real. But now...

It's snowing.
No, I'm serious. It's snowing. For real.

It's beautiful, I have to give it that. Any time pure white snowflakes drift down from the sky there is a beauty that is undeniable.

But, come on!

It's April 18th. The timing is way off!

Past the middle of April, and flakes have been falling thick and steady since before I got up a couple hours ago. There is a thick layer of snow on everything. Thick, like over an inch deep. Everywhere.

I have seen snow in the first week of April. But I have never seen it this late in the springtime.

I think Spring needs a redo.

Oh, we are so ready for some warmth! The trees have budded and are waiting to leaf out. The grass has been turning ever so gradually greener day by day.

It's time.

When Husband went downstairs this morning and saw outside, he burst out laughing and said, "Are you kidding me!!?"

Yes, I think we all feel that way.

another one bites the dust

We have three drivers, and three vehicles that run, for the most part: a minivan, a Jimmy, and a Buick .
With people going different directions at the same time, we need at least two. The third is a leftover that we keep around for backup.
~::~

So, husband took the car in to have it checked today. The brakes were making a noise. "By the way," I asked him, "Could you have them check that leak while you're at it?"

It's been going through coolant fast. We have to add more about every third time we drive it.

He just got the call from the car place with the "estimate."

"The Buick is toast."

Well, that's just dandy. The van is basically a dead van walking, hanging on with a bad tranny and wheel bearing til we can find a cheap replacement. And now the Buick is toast?

Dandy.

The Buick is the one into which we poured money, to keep it running for a while longer. It's the one with the best body and little rust.

It's the one that's toast.

If we had decided to fix its brakes today, it would have been a thousand just for those. Probably not a good investment for an older vehicle. But the leak in the coolant system in an even bigger issue. This leak goes two ways. There's an outside leak, but the bad news is the inner leak that mixes coolant with oil so neither can do its job.

They told us not to drive it all. Yeah, right. We drove it over there and it's one of two cars we have been depending on.

The van is not safe. We use it only when we seem to have no choice. The Jimmy runs and works well enough. It has four wheel drive, a great thing for the snow. And then there's the Buick, which we shall no longer discuss.

I wish cars were cheaper.

I love that Jimmy more than ever.

Christmas: Round 2

Did you all have a good Christmas?

Tell me about it... I want to hear about your holidays. Just leave comments so I can read and enjoy them, ok? Whatever you want to share.

Thanks.

So tomorrow the fam is coming over. Since I was gone out west right up until Christmas eve at midnight, and since the younger families want to have their own celebrations in their own homes with their children, starting their own family traditions, and that is a good thing... since all this, we decided to have our family celebration on a different day. We are getting together New Year's Eve for our gifts and celebration.

Christmas Day felt a little different because of this. It was good, but different. Smaller. Daughter who lives at the other end of town came over and we opened gifts, had breakfast casserole, and relaxed around the house as we always have on Christmas Day. But there were only 5 of us.

It wasn't as noisy as usual. Not as full of... something. The commotion of happy people who love each other's company. I missed it. So did the younger ones. We had a good day, don't get me wrong. It was good to relax and the gifts were really nice this year, and it was good to be together. There was just a subtle difference made of having fewer people here and knowing they were somewhere else. I'm so glad daughter came for the day.

Life moves on.

So they each had good days in their own homes, and we are all getting together tomorrow night here, to pick up the celebrating where we left off, the few of us, on Christmas day. It will be good. There will be a crowd. Like 15 of us. And THEN it will feel like Christmas! There will be noise and laughter and gifts to open. There will be small people running around! There will be food and fun and someone will probably be grumpy at some point but it is all part of life and it's all good. I love it!

I hope you have a good Holiday tomorrow as well, and that your New Year starts off well.

The Christmas List

I said there would be a list of my Joys and Thank Yous for Christmas. And here it is:

488. Christmas tree, shining in the living room. So pretty, so festive. It just glows.

489. Christmas lights twinkling in my house. I love the twinkly kind!

490. Christmas lights all over the countryside, sharing the Holiday Spirit with everyone!

491. Ornaments, reflecting the lights on the branches, telling their stories

492. Decorating the tree together with family, every ornament reminding us of something, some story past, and the sharing that happens right in that moment. Our family history shared and enjoyed.

493. The incredible fact that Christ, having lived forever in heaven, would be willing to come down, take on mortality, and live among us, in order to correct a wrong that we ourselves had done. Even though He knew it would be deeply painful and lead to His death. It's hard to understand such love.

494. Celebrating His birthday with the whole world.

495. Also celebrating family and friends and togetherness.

496. Finding gifts for people I love.

497. Getting good gifts. Did you think I would leave that out?? I am not that virtuous, people!

498. A new baby in the family.

499. The honor of attending the birth of that baby.

500. Sweet memories of being pregnant at Christmastime, kind of identifying with Mary and thinking how glad I was not to be on a donkey at nine months.

501. Nursing a baby by the light of the Christmas tree, in the middle of the night while all the house was silent. The lights from the tree cast a warm light on the baby's contented little face. All is Calm, All is Bright. It's a perfect moment of Peace and Love. This is one of my favorite Christmas memories of all.

Merry Christmas to all of you, dear friends.
Tonight I will be flying home for Christmas. As much as I am glad to have been here in Wyoming to attend daughter's first birth and to be some help, I am really excited to be heading home just in time for Christmas tomorrow.

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." (John 14.27 NLT)

That's God's gift to you, if you take it. If you want more information, check out the Book, the Bible. It's all in there. Otherwise, just ask.

Happy Christmas Eve, friends, Merry Christmas too, and may your homes be filled with His peace and His love. May you each grow to know Him more and more as a good friend, One who loves us beyond anything we can understand.

Wrapping Gifts With my Kids on the first Snowy Day of the Season.

Gift Wrapping on the First Snowy Day


First of December,
The snow begins falling...
Couple of inches and
Keeps coming down.
Quiet and bright.
Ground soft and white.

Up in my sweet room
There with my offspring,
Colorful wrapping,
Fun job ahead...
Presents galore
Spread on the floor.

We are relaxing,
Music is playing...
Happy old Christmas songs
from long ago.
Complete contentment
One perfect moment.

~klm~
12.2.10

It really was one of those perfect moments that will stay in my memory bank for life. One wonderful son, one precious daughter, and me, all together in the room we have just redecorated with my favorite colors. My work was done, so I curled up with pillows on the day bed while they sat on the floor and we talked.

Somehow all the Christmas wrapping paper in the house had migrated to this room, and the gifts they had chosen were spread on the floor waiting to be wrapped.

Pandora filled the air with its best old Christmas music, the kind you hear on the radio every season: "Silver Bells", "Baby, It's Cold Outside", Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, and Eartha Kitts, and the room was filled with Christmas happiness and the love of family.

Then it began to snow!

And outside the windows, we watched things change from late autumn's brown to a new, clean, pure white. The first snow! Right there, right at that moment, while we basked in each other's company, surrounded by colorful papers and ribbons, wrapping gifts to the sound of the season, right then the sky shared its own holiday treasures, and the air inside brightened as the air outside filled with tiny white snowflakes and the ground was covered with white, freshened for a new season.

Perfect moments like this can only be the gifts of a perfect heavenly Father who loves us more than we deserve. I am so grateful to be loved so lavishly.

My Thanksgiving list so far...

things I'm thankful for at this moment...

473. National Dress Up Day! (Also called Halloween) I love that there is a day when everyone pulls their imaginations out and just has fun with costumes! and I love that a daughter of mine renamed it this fun name, National Dress Up Day.

474. being waited on by Donald Duck

475. People in costume everywhere

476. apple butter, spread thick on good bread

477. turquoise

478. going to a fun concert

479. overnight road trip with daughter

480. meeting the artist and his manager

481. getting my new cd autographed

482. coming home

483. days when my hair turns out

484. misty air that replenishes moisture I've lost to the season's dryness. The mist looks dull and gray in the air, but it feels so good!

485. planning family holiday gatherings, and looking forward to their warmth

486. being together with family, with people I love who love me back.

487. the simple word, "hi", and the power it has to connect people. tiny but powerful!

hot tea and apple butter

I'm sitting here this morning with a cup of hot, sweet tea...

I love a good cup of tea.

And toast.

With apple butter.

Oh, my!

The water came to a screaming boil, and was promptly moved by offspring who can't stand screaming.

This is very hot water.

Tazo. Awake. Good tea.

A good healthy dash of agave nectar....

A touch of milk...

And two ice cubes. While I make the toast.

Gluten free, rice flour, never tried this before, but it's good! It's delicious!

With apple butter. Oh, I love apple butter!

Apple butter makes me think of my grandfather, PeePop.

PeePop, because the oldest cousin couldn't pronounce PopPop when she was a tiny girl.

PeePop knew how to enjoy apple butter, and he taught us:

A half inch thick on the bread.

Half inch, got it?

Well, who are we to argue with the grandpa?

And so this morning, I savour tea, like my British aunt (on my mother's side) used to enjoy, and with it I eat toast and apple butter, like my father's father used to enjoy.

And my solitary moment is a reflection of my heritage.

Mmmmmm....

Good stuff.




(linked to LL Barkat's "On, In, and Around Mondays" )

the smell of winter

The last Sunday morning in October, I sat in the pew and noticed that the air smelled dry, and dusty, like winter. Like Winter, when the furnace blows and the air dries up, and things are dead and brown, and dusty, and scarce on life. That was the last Sunday in October.

The very next day was November, and later in the week brought the first flurries flying in the almost freezing, under an absent-minded sky that scowled, ever so slightly, like it wasn't sure what it was supposed to do.

November is for gray skies. For sunless days that string together like dirty pearls. We all forget what we are supposed to do. We forget who we were, back in the summer. Life ebbs.

Two different people asked me today, as the flurries flew outside, what did I think of the snow? And I said I didn't know yet. I'm not sure what I am supposed to think. I haven't decided. Some people seem surprised by the snow. Others counter with, "What did you expect, it's November!"

I know the snow will pile deep, and then it will shine. It will soften the lines of the landscape and reflect the moon's blue glow. It will sparkle on sunny days and become dotted with sledders on the hills. It will be beautiful. I will love it then. But it will be cold, so cold, and life will ebb some more. Energy fades in the winter. Smiles fade under the colorless skies, and souls need the sun to shine.

But it will be beautiful.

So I don't know what to think, how I feel about the snow that came today. I'm not getting giddy out of a sense of obligation, that's what I'm not. But I'm not hating it, either. Little kids love it, drivers don't. I have no opinion. It's just flurries. It isn't staying yet. Like the smell of winter, it portends, that's all.


(I was challenged by Emily at http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/ to write something to join her and a bunch of her friends for "imperfect prose on Thursdays" over at her place. I wasn't sure if I had anything, but I guess I did after all.)

all piled up

Friends,

I think I write best when I am not under too much stress - some, mind you, just not too much.

Not enough stress and nothing happens; too much and all my energy is spent in dealing with it.

"Life piles up" sometimes, my good friend tells me.

Yes it does. And it is, and I am full with the dealing and the loving and the doing.

The celebrating and the aching.

We have had: out of town guests, a sudden wedding, a baby party here, a dear friend of my daughter with very serious surgery. And more. All in the last week.

I feel like the hub of a very dizzy wheel. I am the center of the gyroscope. By God's grace I am still upright, though around me life is spinning. I am fine. I am loving and loving and loving. And that is all I can think of right now.

So, I am just letting you all know that I am fine, and I will write as soon as I can, but right now I am focused on life and its needs. The needs of those I love.

Right now, I am making the stories. Later I will tell them.

Soon, I think. When the dust settles a bit.