Thursday, January 7, 2010

Selling some land

We are selling 12 acres today. I am losing part of my home, but I feel like part of my soul is being sold instead.

It's the right thing to do. I know it makes sense. We have owned this land for 30 years, lived on it for over 18. The kids have walked all over it, discovering nature and freedom. They've dug for treasure and found it in old broken vases and salt shakers from generations ago. They've caught frogs and snakes and fish and shared with me those wondrous delights. They've played in the creek in the hot summers, and skated on it in the coldest of winter. They've rescued baby mice and injured birds. And we have all watched deer, fox and rabbits run across our yard.

But the youngest is 13, and there are not so many nature walks being taken anymore. Those who dug for treasure have moved on to new adventures, and frankly, we don't NEED those 12 acres anymore. But I love them.

Emotions are oblivious to the facts sometimes. So while I can see that selling the land makes sense, still I wish to hang on to it.

I have struggled with the fact that I feel so deeply sad when that emotion seems to contradict common sense. I have been told that I should be happy.

But I have come to believe that, while I don't have to live by my emotions, I can live with them. I can let the sadness be where it is, knowing that it will pass. It will. I don't have to fix it, or try too hard to feel differently. I will do what I have to do, regardless how I feel. I will go to the meeting with Husband and sign those papers. But I don't have to pretend it's easy, or that I am not sad.

And if there are people who have a hard time with the way I feel, then I am sorry, but I am going to have to work through my feelings myself, and I can't also be working through theirs. I will try to be considerate and kind, but I can not carry the responsibility of making everyone feel better.

God has said that He will bring good out of every situation for those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) And Psalm 84:11 says, "No good thing will He withhold from them who walk uprightly." So I know that this is all going to turn out alright. My part is to "walk uprightly" -- in other words, to just keep on living with the goal of pleasing God. God's part is to work out everything else.

He will. He always does. I do know it will be ok... I will probably feel happier about this as it unfolds. But I am not there yet, and that's ok too.

We will still have three acres with the house. We'll still live in our house on the hill for awhile yet. We'll watch wildlife from the windows, and the kids will still catch creatures for as long as they want to. The people who will be our new neighbors seem very nice and have said that we may sled on the hill that will be theirs, and I'll bet the kids will still be able to go down to the creek on hot days if they want to. I will miss having it as our own. I really will. But I think it's going to be ok.


  1. Ouch; amputation always hurts. But to experience His grace in loss is worth it all. How is this loss providing for you? I wonder. J.

  2. Mama K., Thanks for sharing that and wise words indeed. Very Biblical to not deny our emotions and a good thing for me to read. I can major on not living on them, but sometimes I struggle having troubling emotions. Jesus did, and so have all people, so why deny it?

    Blessings on your change and adjustment to it.

  3. Nicely written, Kath. Its good to see that you've been reflecting on these things, and have accepted the emotions for what they are. It is hard to sit in them, but such beauty can come from the ugly places. (hugs)


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